Coming of Age

While reading a book by a hilarious young comedienne, one particular section immediately made me sit up and slap a post it flag on the page.  Seriously. Like made me fling the warm flannel sheets and duvet covers off me, walk through the chilly atmosphere bare footed, turn on lights and search for my stash of post it flags. Reina does NOT like to be cold, so this was muy importante.

In this section, the writer discussed the moment she realized she could define what dating a man vs. dating a boy meant for her. We all say we want to date a man. When online dating profiles ask us what we're interested in there isn't a space for "Men, Women, ....Boys?" Why? Because:

 A) I'm sure the Feds and the To Catch a Predator folks are all ready to flag your account and storm your house

B) No grown woman is actually interested in boys

But when you say you want a man, what does that mean for you? What are the characteristics that you look for? The author said it was when she noticed her date actually committed to things. Not just relationships, but other things: heavy furniture, hanging wall art, a mortgage, a car payment. Notice the focus isn't about superficial items like whether the wall art is a Picasso or an Ikea print or whether the furniture is from LaDiff or Haynes (btw, you're reading a Richmond blog, so you better know what these places are). Rather that it's a piece of art that was purchased for the specific purpose of nicely decorating a living space. It's not the free Budweiser poster he got in college for signing up for a credit card during his Ultimate Frisbee break on the Quad. Real deal wall art. Bonus points if he has groupings of items in a quadrilateral formation.

I can totally relate. Ladies, how many times have you been impressed with a guy's place for the simple fact that the furniture matched? Or that you didn't have to be scared to sit on the sofa because he may have dragged it from the street? Or plates? Or glassware? Yes, glassware. Boys seem to give you water out of a stolen beer stein, a collegiate plastic cup that pulls double duty as a pen cup (or razor holder) that he so graciously empties out for you, or anything else with a slogan on it. But when you can quench your thirst from actual glassware....glory be! This here's a man. Like he went to Target and bought a whole set of matching tumblers. Ok, so maybe his mom gave them to him. Who cares? He didn't exchange them for a video game. He kept them and knows where they are in the cupboard!

Hey, it's clean. I saw him wash it.

I once dated a guy who had an impressive collection of shot glasses. No plates, 2 plastic NFL tumblers, and the jury's still out on if silverware existed. He was hilarious, cute, and we got along fabulously....that is, when we actually hung out. Mr. Shot Glass Aficionado couldn't actually make concrete plans. I slowly learned that he was very casual when it came to time management. Lots of oversleeping, getting caught up in some video game, or general absentmindedness about things. Men don't consistently oversleep for work. Men don't stay up till the wee hours playing Madden. If my birthday dinner slipped your mind, then I'm pretty sure that Visa bill did too. Boys eventually grow up to be Men (there's a whole R&B group that says so). So there's no need stressing about it or getting frustrated or forcing your will upon him because your biological clock is ticking. Let him do his thing and you do yours. He will now be your funny friend you can call at 1 a.m  when you have an urge to play Madden.

And I'm not saying that lack of glassware is a sign, but....

What is your trigger that tells you "This here's a Man and not a Boy?"