Selfie on the Shelfie

We can't stop the locomotive that is the selfie phenomenon. It has been added to the Oxford English dictionary and an entire generation of tweens use the word with as much frequency as "the" or "and." Celebrities are using it for self promotion and soon publicists will be jobless. So while I am not petitioning for the demise of the word, I am advocating its demise in the dating world. Specifically, those males that believe it's appropriate to send selfie pics to a female they have recently met: pics of the PG, R, NC-17, and even X variety.

Guys, stop sending these!

Fellas, here's why unsolicited selfies are inappropriate:

A) If I just met you in person I already know what you look like. If I've forgotten, then I was really drunk or I should have a CT scan to figure out why I'm having lapses with my short term memory. Either way, you should be concerned that I don't remember you and stop the pursuit.

B) If I haven't met you in person, then it's a crap shoot on whether or not I'm going to think that poorly lit bathroom pic is hot. Do you really want to take that chance? If you do, then don't be surprised if about 2 minutes after you send that lovely digital artwork I then cancel our first meeting due to a sudden case of Scarlet Fever... that I picked up on the Oregon Trail.

B.2) While we're on the subject of bathroom selfies....stop them. Immediately. The fact that they're a whole sub-genre of selfie infuriates me. Even if you have a huge bathroom with Italian Marble and Jacuzzi tub, that is the worst place to take a picture. That is where people pee. And as females, we notice the mirror that's bespeckled with toothpaste or the toilet paper holder sans tp. It's actually the FIRST thing we notice. "Dude? What dude? There was a dude in that pic? All I noticed was the moldy shower curtain in the background." And naturally we judge you about it. Harshly. Therefore, dear male counterparts, if you insist on continuing the legacy of the bathroom selfie, for the love of God clean the bathroom and put a roll of Charmin on the holder.

C) It's not as impressive as you may think. Even if you're muscular. (You guys actually get points deducted for shirtless pics. They're creepy.) Sure your physical appearance comes into play, but we're much more impressed by things like your vocabulary, your interest in your job, your ability to navigate Richmond without a GPS, etc.

Now notice I've used the word 'unsolicited.' If chicks want to go around asking for topless bathroom selfies, have at it, it's a free country. I'm speaking for the 98% of Richmond females who treat the unsolicited selfie like a spam email. First there's anger. Then immediate deletion. Guys, I suggest if you don't want to be Spammed, behave as you would in a world pre-selfie. Think back to ye olde ancient times of 2000. How did you try to impress a girl then? Yeah, do that instead. Anything but a selfie.