A Restaurant Week Date Review

Last week was Restaurant Week in Richmond! It's a great opportunity to try out some new restaurants... and new guys. Pull up a seat, pour a glass of wine and get comfortable because it's about to get ugly!

Come on! All the cool kids are doing it. Well, Hoda and Kathy Lee are.

I'd been talking to this guy online for a while and we decided to meet for dinner. I mentioned that it was Restaurant Week and suggested that perhaps we could check out one of the restaurants. He chose a restaurant and we decided on a day and time. Great so far, right? Yeah, I thought so too. So when the day came to go on the date, I was looking forward to meeting him. Sure, he hadn't contacted me since we made the plans but he might have just been busy, right? Oh well. It was time to getting ready for the date and look dazzling!

I have on a cute dress and shoes. My hair and makeup were on point. I was ready! When I got to the restaurant, I didn't see anyone that looked like the pictures of the guy that I'd seen. I just saw a tall, unkempt guy looking bored outside of the restaurant. He was wearing dirty jeans and sneakers and an unironed, untucked shirt. I was a little taken aback because we were going to a nice restaurant but I let it go. He could be a nice guy who maybe just got off work or something. Nope. He'd been hanging out at home all day. He just didn't think that he had to dress "all fancy just to go to dinner." We're not off to a great start.

Kind of like this but without the Olympic medals to offset the scruffiness

The dinner conversation was more than a little tortured. The only time we both laughed was when I did a weird imitation of a ghost photobombing a picture posted on Pinterest. Seriously, they always look surprised. True fact. Back to the date. He didn't elaborate on any of his very short answers to my questions or really ask me anything about my life. I was ready to go after the first course. What really reinforced that desire was when he licked his knife!  He wasn't even being suggestive. He just wanted to get every bit of the sauce off of it. My polite Southern smile was failing me and it was time to go. He was kind enough to walk me to the front door but then he just said "Bye. Keep in touch" and walked away without waiting for a response. Ummmm. Ok.

There are a couple of lessons to be learned from this story:

1. Guys, we ladies put in time and effort into how we look for dates, especially first dates. Please do the same.  If you're going to a restaurant that has courses, you should probably have a collar. Just saying.
2. Even if you're not into the person, be considerate. Make the best of the situation. You might not have found your soul mate but you did get to try out a new restaurant. 
3. Don't lick your knife. Ever. 

Stay sassy and sexy!

And You Say (S)He's Just a Friend

"Oh baby you......
You got what I need
And you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend"

Sing it with me! Remember when Hip Hop songs told stories?

Anyhoo, in today's post I'm going to pose the question, "At what point is jealousy warranted?" Some people would argue never. If you trust your boo you should never feel threatened or jealous. Some people would argue you should suspect any and all behavior the minute numbers are exchanged, even if you guys aren't official.

I've had a few dates with a guy recently and things are going fine. Very casual and low key. No one's rushing down the altar up in here. Then I get word that Casey saw the fellow with another gal out and about. Now, Richmond is the size of a pea so this scenario isn't inconceivable. Was I upset that the guy was out and about with another female? Not really. Who am I to get all cray cray and jealous? We're not dating. He didn't put a ring on it. All's fair in love and war.

The issue for me was the fact that the day before the guy just professed his extreme interest and desire to see the relationship turn into something more. But within 24 hours there's all kinds of PDA in a popular Richmond restaurant. So, how sincere was he?

He recognized Casey and immediately sends me an unsolicited message to let me know he's just out with a friend. Then, there was over-explanation to questions I never asked. Is it because he feels he was caught and feels guilty? Is it that he thinks I may be the jealous type and he's trying to assuage my fears? In my book, the truth doesn't require over-explanation because it's quite simple. No added preservatives or Red Dye #3 needed.

Am I jealous about the date? Nope. Am I upset about the possible lack of sincerity? Yep. Daters should be honest at all times. If you feel the relationship has run its course, say so. If you feel that there will be no relationship after date #2, give a heads up. If you are interested in seeing someone more, let them know. If you are casually dating multiple people and would like to sift out the maggots, you may want to mention it. We're all adults. Dating in the new millennium is riskier than drinking bathtub moonshine. The only way we can mitigate the damage is by being honest.

If all parties are honest, hopefully the jealousy is diluted and you don't end up like this when you say (s)he's just a friend...

The Case For the Fun Buddy, Part 1

A recurring theme among our posts is the situation of knowing that a guy is no good, but continuing to go back to him anyway. You could say women are gluttons for punishment, but I'm going to throw out a different hypothesis: Sometimes we're just horny.

Think about it: How many people do you know, guys and girls, who start or stay in relationships that are clearly unhealthy because they enjoy the sex? It's an easy trap to fall into. However, I would also argue that it's an easy trap to avoid, if you're open to the idea of having a Fun Buddy (FB) (Stay with me - we're going PG here!)

I've spent a lot of my thirties as single as I could be. I've been on plenty of dates (which I'm here to tell you all about), but years went by without any of those situations evolving into a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. Personally, I'm not the kind of girl who sleeps with a guy after a couple of dates, so my lack of monogamy could've left me in a real bind in the gettin' busy department. Fortunately, along came Yummy Dummy (YD).

Yummy Dummy is hot. Sexy eyes, tall athlete's body, and a perfect Southern drawl. Unfortunately, a lot of "uns" come with YD. He's unreliable: Any plans made with YD should always be considered tentative, and please don't try to schedule with him more than 48 hours in advance. He's unambitious: At nearly 40 years old, YD still lives with a roommate, owns virtually no furniture of his own, and thinks his bedroom floor is where clothes should go when they come out of the dryer. Reina's post about boys vs. men basically described Yummy Dummy to a T. Seriously y'all, his bedroom was pretty close to this.

Despite his inadequacy in the long-term-mate category, YD and I had a lot of fun together. We both loved sports and often made bets on games involving our favorite teams. Physically, we were each others' "types", so the attraction and chemistry between us was fantastic. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessfully trying to have a real, adult dating relationship with YD, I realized that would require his actually being an adult. At that point he transitioned into a different place in my life - that of the Fun Buddy.

I hooked up with YD for years. Usually I would see him every 3-4 weeks. He respected that I didn't appreciate late night booty calls, so if he wanted to see me on a given week, he'd text me during the day to find out my schedule. We had an understanding that if either of us was dating someone, we didn't see each other. Our arrangement served as an interesting barometer whenever I met a new guy. If I saw potential with the new guy, I would take a break from YD right away. Conversely, I left some dates feeling so certain that I'd never see the guy again that I texted YD on my way home to see if he wanted some unexpected company. I also knew I was Done with several guys when staying away from YD for them no longer seemed necessary or worth it.

I can categorically say that during the time YD was my Fun Buddy, I never once dated a guy I shouldn't have out of loneliness. I had an absolute blast living life with The Ladies, and regular rendezvous with YD kept me from even considering hookups with random sketchballs. There's one other benefit to a friend with benefits: Just like in a romantic relationship, continued long-term contact with a FB helps you to grow and learn new things sexually. YD and I were able to communicate about what we wanted in a way that I couldn't with a random guy or even someone I'd only been dating for a few weeks. When I finally did meet guys who were worth dating, I wasn't ridden with anxiety about whether I'd know what to do between the sheets. All that being said, Fun Buddy relationships are tricky, and mine certainly wasn't perfect. I learned quite a few lessons about how to effectively manage having a FB. Stay tuned for my next post about Fun Buddy best practices!

Readers: Have you ever successfully had a long-term Fun Buddy?

Worst Date Ever: Were We on the Same Date??

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house....that's just weird).

So there's this guy I met online, as it goes.  His photos were okay - I mean you know I go for the tall, dark and handsome type.  This guy was not.  He was just okay - short, dirty blondish, and skinny (worked out 1-2x per week, according to his profile - LIE).  But one photo of him seemed silly and I laughed at it. And in my desperate attempt to find a mate, after a couple of emails, we decided to meet at Can Can (my fave!)

I get to the bar early.

I suck down a drink because I have a funny feeling I'll need it.  Then he walks in.  He is far from handsome.  He's about 5'7", has weird troll doll hair, super skinny, and seems drunk already (come to find out much later that he wasn't drunk. He just always acts drunk.  His personality isn't fun, easy going, or even serious, it's drunk.)

Him (what he pretty much looked like)!

Anyway, he is so nervous that he begins to nervous sweat - one of my biggest pet peeves. Then he proceeded to hunch over his beer and talk to it, instead of me.  I could feel his nervousness and despite your thinking that I'm a colossal beotch, I am not.  I turned toward him and tried desperately to engage him in conversation.  Twirled my hair, laughed at him (he wasn't funny AT ALL), turned my body toward him in an open way... Didn't work; still hunched.

Then, I kid you not, his aunt and her friend show up at the bar!!!  He had to awkwardly introduce me - and then he was 10x more awkward than when hunched over his beer.

Maybe he got drunk after his second draft cheapie beer.  I'm not sure why, but he began to open up to me about his special needs CAT that he rescued from a gutter and that slept with him in his bed.

I looked at my watch and said, "Um so I need to meet my roommate" (this was two glasses of wine in, about 1 hour from the time I walked in).  I can drink much, much more and of course I didn't have to meet anyone! He said ok, and walked me out.

As we walked out, all of a sudden an air of confidence washed over him.  Maybe it was the draft horse piddle he was drinking (classy, I know).  Maybe it was the fresh spring air.  All I know is that he started talking about the neighborhood and about his important friends and family that owned houses there, gave me a hug (jigga what?) and then proceeded to ASK ME OUT AGAIN.  I was like, "Well, give me a call and we'll see."

WHICH MEANT NO, NO, NO!!!!

- No to a nervous sweating guy.
- No to a guy that drinks cheap the cheapest (!) draft horse piddle beers at a classy establishment.
- No to a weird troll doll hair guy.
- No to hunchback of Notre Dame over horse pee beer guy.

I like a hot, muscular, confident, metrosexual.  Not this:

How did he think we were on the same date?  No, I'd never go out with him again.

And that was the end of that.  Until one of The Ladies told me a few months later that she met the same boy online…  More to come!!

Yawning is the New Black aka My Worst Date Ever

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. We will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever story and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway. (We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the Google street view of the person's house.... that's just weird.)

Call me an eternal optimist but I alway hope for the best and that goes double for online dating. So when I saw a unconventionally attractive (See? Told you that I am optimist) professional guy who actually had taken the time to completely fill out his online profile, I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, his profile was so boring that it took me 3 times to finish reading it but hey! Hope springs eternal.

We texted back and forth and finally agreed to meet at Starbucks. I put on one of my Date outfits, put a little extra curl in my hair and a little gloss on my lips. In my humble opinion, I looked fierce! I got to the Starbucks and looked around. Oh! Is he that cute, bookish guy in the back? Nope. Hmmm. Maybe he's the Lone Cafe au Lait-er in the corner? Yeah, not so much. I know what you're thinking and yes, I did see his pictures online but re-read the above "eternal optimist." I was (admittedly stupidly) hoping that he was more attractive than he seemed to be in his online pics. Then he walked in from out of the the rain..... and was exactly as unconventionally attractive as he appeared in his online pics.

No matter! While looks are important (let's be real, it is!), what matters more is that the guy has a witty, intelligent and engaging personality. Many of my friends have accused me of dating guys who resembled Muppets in the past but come on! Who doesn't love the Muppets?! No one, that's who! But I digress. So, I put on my best Southern Pollyanna smile and introduced myself. He introduced himself..... and that's as interesting as the date got.

He regaled me with tales of engineering, bridges and that one wild weekend when he and a couple of buddies played 24 rounds of golf in one day. 24 rounds! In one day! I soon regretted my decision of getting decaf coffee but I was raised right so I kept my smile on and kept asking questions in hopes that there was something interesting about this guy. I thought I had something when he said he had gone to England to attend a concert. I asked what he liked best about London (where the concert had taken place) and he said he didn't know because he didn't go sightseeing. He'd gone to see the concert and that was all he'd intended to do. He didn't even remember what groups were playing at the concert. Oh come on! If you're going to tell a boring story about how you managed to have the most boring time in one of the world's most fantastic cities, at least have the decency to remember which bands bored you so much.

After a more-than-respectable hour of such tales of crazy, wild shenanigans, I made my escape excuses and took my leave. The guy sweetly followed up the next day but I just wasn't interested and let him down easily. I'm sure he's a great fit for someone but just not me.

Now, I know this date doesn't fit the stereotypical "Worst Date" framework but for me, being bored is torture for me and boring people are my torturers. Why be boring when you can be fabulous? Everyone has the capacity to be fabulous, even if they don't think they do! So, stop being boring and live life to the fullest! Live the kind of life that requires editing of stories, not the embellishment of them. That life will be different for everyone but find yours and LIVE!

Stay sexy (and interesting), Ladies!

Worst Date Ever #3

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house....that's just weird).

In retrospect, I should've known something was amiss when Guy chased me out of BW3's to tell me I was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. I'm cute, but no Gisele or Halle.

But the guy was sweet and seemed sincere about me being on Jessica Alba status, so I gave him my number. After a few calls that week we had a date arranged for Saturday night. It started off so well. He remembered the fact that coffee courses through my veins in lieu of blood and had a cappuccino waiting for me. Awww...so far so good.

Disaster #1: Apparently in order to get the promised coffee, I had to pay a WTF toll. As in, my caffeine is being held hostage upstairs in Guy's apartment. And in said apartment is his family photo album where he proceeds to explain everyone in it. WTF.

Disaster #2: When I finally escape Album Alcatraz, I discover my car has been towed. I had asked Guy repeatedly if I could park in a certain spot at his apartment. He assured me it was fine and that visitors do it all the time. But by the time he finished the outline of his family tree, my car was gone. He said not to worry, and that we should just go to our dinner reservation and comedy show as scheduled and take care of it later. He said he would pay for it since he told me to park there. Against my better judgment, I agreed.

Our dinner reservation was at a Edo's Squid. The food was so delicious that I quickly forgot about my car being towed. There was wine, getting-to-know-you conversation, and then.....

Disaster #3: He told coworkers to meet us there to "check me out." WTH?! So the people staring at me from across the room weren't just adult kidnappers. Should I be flattered that he was so enthusiastic about our date that he invited his coworkers? Nah. I was weirded out. I think one of his female coworkers actually tried to take a picture of me.

Off to the comedy club, where our tickets were held at Will Call. He had actually planned this date. At the time, most of my dates usually started off with "So where do you wanna go?" This guy got an A for effort. Maybe too much effort. But the good Lord knew I needed a laugh at that point. The show was good and my beer was cold, so I decided to carpe diem and not fret about my automobile.

After the show, we stopped by the tow lot where they politely informed us that it was cash only to retrieve the car. Guy said "No problem", and we head to the nearest ATM gas station, where Guy proceeds to walk up to customers and recreate Wynona Ryder's scene from Reality Bites where she pays for gas and snacks with her dad's credit card.

Disaster #4: Sitting in the front seat of his car while he tells every gullible person in the West End about how this is our first date and he'd gotten my car towed. If this doesn't seem like a big deal, now imagine having to wave at everyone because he's making these strangers wave to you. He offered to pay for their gas with his parent's credit card if they give him the cash. I think one little old lady was so touched that she may have tipped him.

After this cash for credit scheme, we bust my car out of jail and I wanted to head home. But Guy says he's planned one more thing. Really?! I acquiesced, because honestly I felt bad about the hit his parent's credit card bill had just taken. He had the spot picked out with the best view of the city. There were white twinkling Christmas lights, the weather was still warm, and the Richmond skyline was gorgeous....

....and then DISASTER #5:....
he says,......"You may not hear from me for a few days because I may have to spend 5 days in jail for a DUI."

HA! Worst Date Ever, Hhmmmm.. ..

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house...that's just weird).

So, grab your Pinot and let me tell you a pretty funny story and a very important lesson I learned in CONFIRMING. I've been pretty fortunate in going on decent to great dates due to pre-screening, cyber stalking and just good old word of mouth.  Perhaps this is the effect of one date I had back in college.. ..

It was my junior year and I had noticed this one very attractive Bobby Flay look-a-like for at least a year.  He was not in any of my classes, but I would see him in passing and knew he had a couple of classes with one of my friends.  One day I got the guts to ask her to send him a little message that I thought he was attractive and that I was very much interested in going out on a date with him.  She, being the good friend that she was, told Bobby Flay Jr. everything that I asked her to repeat, even giving him my number.  Bobby called me a couple of days later and we chatted, laughed and I just knew we'd have the cutest strawberry blonde kids around- most likely highly allergic to the sun, but cute nonetheless.  Well, we set up a date and he said he would come over and pick me up.  At the time, I lived with 3 other girls and they were pretty excited for me and decided to sit in the living room and greet him as he picked me up.  Right on time, there was a knock at the door and one of my roommates answered.  With a  nervous call, she beckoned me to the door for my date.  As I walked down the hall, I COULD NOT believe what I was looking at...  This dude looked like the love child of Carrot Top and Bozo, the clown.



I am not kidding you - he had to have seen my jaw drop and the look of shock on my face. My roommates looked at me, holding back their laughter and wished me a good night.  I nervously tried to recover and pretend that everything was ok.  We got into his car and drove to dinner- Damnit, I wasn't smart enough at the time to only set up drinks for the first date and had to sit through dinner and lots of drinks.  We went to a place he recommended and sat at a cute table by the window.  At the very least, I had the outside world as a distraction from what was facing me inside.  We drank, had awkward conversations, drank, ate, drank some more through more awkward conversations when he pointed to a place across the street. Oh YAY! Maybe he's a good story teller.  He then proceeds to tell me that that place was the apartment where his brother died.  WHAT?? Really?? Come on dude!  Is there nothing else in that brain of yours to talk about other than your brother's death on an already awkward first date?  He got through the details of the drug abuse, rehab visits, parents' grief and I graciously looked at my watch and commented that it was getting late on a school night.  When the bill came, I snatched it and paid.  If dates are bad (for some crazy reason) I feel inclined to pay and dash vs. having them feel like I used them for a free meal.  I really need to fix this about me, I know.  Anyway, Carrot Top drove me home, dropped me off and told me to call him later.  Yea, that wasn't and didn't happen.  I have no doubt in my mind that Carrot Top was a good catch or match for someone, but it sure as heck wasn't me. 

Sooo, if there's something you can learn from this- please, please, please confirm before you devote your night to the wrong dude.  Make damn sure that you have the right guy, that if there are two red heads in a similar setting, you've specifically described them to your matchmaker.  Confirm names, descriptions, clothing, gestures- whatever you need to do to make sure you don't waste a very valuable night with the wrong guy.  And not just wrong for you, but really, the wrong guy. 

CONFIRM, CONFIRM, CONFIRM!!

My Worst Date Ever

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will post our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house...that's just weird).

By the time we reach our thirties, it's safe to say that all of us have been on a date so ridiculous that it becomes the stuff of legend among our friends. So have a seat and read my story: The Tale of Mr. Arugula.

I found Mr. A on match.com. It wasn't clear from his pictures whether he was attractive, but his profile described an interesting, genteel character who I thought would be worth talking to. We started exchanging messages, and I learned that he was buying a house in one of my favorite neighborhoods in Richmond (check). We also discovered a mutual interest in farmers markets and cooking (check), and he told me he wanted to get to the farmers market that weekend to buy some arugula for a new recipe he was trying.

After a few email exchanges, Mr. A and I made a plan to grab Sunday brunch at The Roosevelt and then go to the farmers market from there. I still couldn't tell if Mr. A would be attractive, but this seemed like a great way to spend a Sunday morning regardless. Unfortunately, I was completely wrong!

I arrived about 5 minutes early for our date and got a table--the last available table in the place, in fact. I decided to wait to order a drink until Mr. A got there, as I thought drinking alone might make a poor first impression. As I sat at the Roosevelt by myself, Mr. A texted me that he would be about 10 minutes late (I do have to give him credit for at least letting me know). As it turned out, Mr. A didn't actually know where the Roosevelt was, and he had parked about a mile away and was now walking. Lesson 1: If you're taking a date to an unfamiliar location, make absolutely sure you know how to get there before your date!

When Mr. A finally arrived, the attraction question was immediately answered. On his profile Mr. A had claimed to be 3 inches taller than I am; in real life he was about half an inch shorter. Lesson 2: Do NOT lie about your height. You're allowed to like women with breasts, and I'm allowed to like men who are at least 6' tall.

As we ordered brunch, I realized that Mr. A was not getting any sort of adult beverage. Part of me was glad I hadn't jumped the gun on Boozy Brunch, while the other part of me was wishing I'd chugged a Bloody Mary before he arrived. Lesson 3: If it says on your online profile that you drink, and you take a woman on a brunch date, brunch includes alcohol. 

As we settled into our date, I began to wonder if Mr. A had written his own Match profile. Mr. Gentility was quite a conversational dud in person. At one point, trying to make small talk, I told Mr. A that another of The Ladies was also there for brunch. I said, "My friend Viveka is over there with her... well I don't know what to call him these days, because I actually thought they broke up, but anyway, they're here too." Mr. A's reaction: "Oh, so you're a gossip queen." Um, what? Already knowing that this date was a bust, I replied, "No, if I were a gossip queen I would tell you the gory details of why they broke up, even though you don't know them."

Thank goodness the food at The Roosevelt is tasty, because Mr. A had haplessly lost his wallet at some point that morning and I ended up buying brunch. Now our date was just becoming a comedy of errors. I ended up giving Mr. A a ride to his car a mile away, at which time he found his wallet and awkwardly paid me back for brunch. Although we were clearly not hitting it off, Mr. A insisted that we follow through with our plan to go to the farmers market. We drove down to 17th Street so he could get his coveted arugula. (Lesson 4: Double and triple check that you have your wallet before you meet up with a date--this goes for both guys and girls!)

As we were walking up to the market, Mr. A encountered a couple who clearly didn't remember him. He had to reintroduce himself to the guy, who was like "Oh yeah, hey buddy!" Mr. A then said, "Hey, sorry I never paid you back that money I borrowed from you, I promise to get it to you soon." Oh My God, what? This dude doesn't even recognize you, and you owe him money??

There was no arugula at the farmers market. The farmers told us that arugula was not in fact in season just yet. However, Mr. A was bound and determined to get himself some arugula, so he decided we should continue to look for it at the Pole Green farmers market. As in, the one 30 minutes away in Mechanicsville. It was bad enough that Mr. A didn't realize I couldn't wait to end our date, but on top of that, he asked me to drive the two of us around, because he had bought a bunch of furniture for his house and had no room in his own vehicle. (Lesson 5: Never put yourself in a situation where you can't offer your date a ride.)

Because Mr. A's car was full of furniture, he didn't want to leave it parked on the street in Church Hill. At this point, he asked me if he could follow me to my house, leave his car parked there, and ride with me to Mechanicsville. I absolutely, positively should have said No, but by then, I was so shell shocked by how ridiculous this entire encounter was that I begrudgingly said yes. (Lesson 6: Never invite yourself to a woman's home on a first date. Can you say creepy??)

I led Mr. A to the general vicinity of my apartment and directed him to park his car nearby. When he got back in my car for the trip to Pole Green, I told him that the market would be the last stop on our date, as I had to meet up with friends afterwards. Although we were already en route, this must have been the moment he realized I didn't like him, as he snarkily said, "Well you can just let me out now if you have to go."

Conversation went downhill from there as we trekked to Pole Green. In less than an hour I learned that Mr. A was not a sports fan (huge dealbreaker for me), did not like my favorite restaurant because it was "too expensive" (at less than $10 per meal per person), and did not go to bars, preferring to drink alcohol he purchased from Walmart at home (yes, he literally said that). Our lack of Boozy Brunch was making much more sense now. Mr. A was a complete cheapskate who had somehow faked the classy preferences he claimed on his Match profile. How did I end up in my car, driving this weirdo to Mechanicsville?! Our date ended unceremoniously when we finally got back to my neighborhood and I dropped him off. By this time, even clueless Mr. A had figured out that there would be no second date.

Months later, another of The Ladies got sucked into Mr. A's bogus Match persona and scheduled a date with him. Fortunately we had dinner that week, and as soon as she showed me who she was going out with the next night, I said "Noooooo! That's Mr. Arugula!!" She quickly texted him to cancel.

The Tale of Mr. Arugula taught me some important lessons in online dating. First of all, never commit to more than one activity. (As Viveka mentioned, she doesn't even do dinner on a first date). My date with Mr. A went horribly awry because of our premature agreement to go farmers market shopping together. Secondly, if you find yourself on a completely terrible date, (wo)man up and bail out. I wasted several hours of a beautiful Sunday with Mr. A because I didn't feel comfortable telling him honestly that I had no interest in being there anymore. Lastly, order the Bloody Mary. You just might need it.

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!

As little girls, we dream that our handsome Prince Charming will come galloping along on his white horse, scoop us up and take us to his castle, where we will want for nothing and live happily ever after.

I'm still waiting for him.  But more specifically, I'd like the Italian, Middle Eastern, Latin variety. Around 6'1", athletic, sans horse, substitute European sports car.  Buys his suits from Hugo Boss and knows how to order a scotch.

Like him!

So I don't settle.

I know, I know.  My standards are high.  But they are what they are.  And I've been lucky to date a couple of hotties recently.  Although they were merely flings.  Sigh.

Enter Dr. Swoon.  I met him online (of course) sometime back.  He seemed pretty handsome, dark hair and eyes, big smile.  He reached out to me and we started chatting back and forth. According to him he liked to travel the world, has a lovely home in the city and enjoys working out. It took us several messages for him to tell me what he did for a living.  Then he told me - a pediatric oncologist.  Seriously?  A doctor that takes care of sick kids?  And hot?  I was sure my online dating days were over!

So we decided to meet for dinner.  I rarely, if ever, meet for dinner, because I know within about 15 seconds of seeing a guy if I'll ever sleep with him. And if I know I won't ever, why sit through a whole dinner?  So… I threw that logical thinking out the window and decided to eat with Swoon.

As I walked up to the restaurant, I saw the shadow of my new man.  As I got closer, I got more excited.  Then two seconds from seeing his face, I realized he was about 300 pounds.  Oh-My-God.  I hugged him anyway.  We got into the restaurant and sat down.  Finally I was able to see him in the light.  He looked something like this:

Much different than my Hugo Boss model above.

As I sat down at the table, the waitress looked at me and said, "Are you okay?"  Yes, the waitress could see the sheer terror on my face!!  I said, "Yes, I'm just cold."  LIE.  LIE.  LIE.  

As we were talking, he told me that he enjoyed working out.  Again LIES, LIES, LIES.  All LIES!  I think he could tell I was over it quickly.  He then proceeded to tell me that he likes shopping.  He said he likes shopping for "other people".  Ahem, ain't no amount of money or Tiffany pendants gonna get you in these panties!!  

I couldn't bear to tell the guy that he totally misled me with his photos.  But he knew.  And he looked older than his stated 42.  Oh, and I almost forgot to mention his Vienna sausage fingers (all the same length).  Can't imagine being caressed by those.

So I politely paid for my own drink and ran out the door.  

OK - Let me back up a second.  I should have known.  His photos were just of his face. I started feeling doubtful as I got ready for the date.  And I should've trusted my ahem, gut.  I should have asked for a full body shot.  I'm partially to blame.  So next time, before meeting just a face shot, I will get a full body because, as the wise Sweet Brown once said: 

The Revolving Door

Yes, we all have had one - the ex-boyfriend that just won't go away... or we just won't let go.  Sometimes (usually) the lines are pretty blurred between those two distinctions.

You know the scenario - you break up and are upset (or somewhere on the spectrum towards absolutely miserable, sitting on the kitchen floor drinking wine), are strong for a while, and then for some reason you let him back into your life.  Sometimes you feel guilty about it, sometimes you rejoice that two people totally made for each other are reunited... and then something happens and it is "over for good".  Repeat the previous process - you are sad but strong, then you let down your guard, then you let him in to your life... then you are let down AGAIN.  Hasn't every girl felt a special bond with Bridget Jones at least once in her life?  I have had moments in the past in which I totally believed that we are long lost besties - and belted it out with her while she sang "All By Myself"...




Why do girls put themselves in this place?  Ex-boyfriends are called that for a reason - because they are an "Ex-"; which, according to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, an ex is "one that formerly held a specified position or place; especially: a former spouse".  Nothing in that definition alludes to a recurrence of that specified position - Mr. Webster knows that exes belong in the past.

I recently have played the recurring ex-boyfriend game....but FINALLY have stopped that revolving door for good.  Now I am at a place where I have gained the strength to just stop this groundhog-day-like process - and move forward, once and for all.  It is an extremely liberating feeling to have the upper hand in the end... to use that phrase "I am done" and absolutely mean it... and not back down.



In addition to being liberating, it is extremely exciting!!!  I have dated on and off in the recent past, but there was always that annoying portion of my brain that just would not 100% let me be available.  Well, the situation has changed - and I am ready to jump in feet first!  Watch out Richmond, this girl is emotionally single, and ready to mingle. ;)

Just as one of the ladies, Paloma, wrote last week - There are MANY reasons that being a sexy, sassy, single lady is AWESOME!  It is FINALLY springtime in Richmond - so you know what that means:

1. Endless festivals - exciting places for fun, flirty ladies to meet available gentlemen
2. Squirrels games opening night is this week!!! What is better than basking in the sun with beer and cute boys?
3. The Final Four and college basketball national championship games are around the corner - a sure-fire way to rub elbows (and of course flirt) with fun, sports-loving guys
4. Friday Cheers starts soon - it is so fun to enjoy downtown RVA, great live music, and friends in this annual tradition!
5. The sun is out - signaling the beginning of Happy Hour on Porches season!!! I invite you all to post a comment about YOUR favorite happy hour locations!

Cheers to all of you RVA HAPPY people! :)