Is Fun Taking Over Your Life?

Hello readers! The Ladies owe you an apology for going MIA over the last several months. After embarking on a project to dish about how ridiculous we've found the dating scene to be throughout our 30s, half The Ladies finally find ourselves in loving, committed relationships, while the other half are in various stages of exploring promising possibilities.  As Alanis would say...

All of us Ladies came together as friends while we were single and searching for similar things. We all have a similar lifestyle - one that involves lots of happy hours, wine nights, travel, festivals - you name it. We have a ton of fun together, and much of that fun involves drinking.

Throughout my 30s, I've observed that many people who are still single (or divorced) share this lifestyle. After all, given the choice to sit at a home with a Netflix marathon or to go have cocktails with my girls on a patio in RVA, I'm going to take the latter option 95% of the time. As someone who lives alone, the Netflix marathon represents boredom and isolation, while meeting up with friends equals connection and good times. However, the regular presence of alcohol has sometimes been problematic for all of us Ladies, both personally and with men we've tried to date.

Perhaps you've encountered the Perpetual Bachelor who still reserves Friday nights for trolling nightclubs with his boys, looking for scantily clad, tipsy 20-somethings to hook up with. We've encountered quite a few of these playboys on Match, and while they may be willing to take you out to dinner on Wednesday night, come Friday you're going to find out that their usual plans are more important than you. We've also found this pattern with Adult Jocks--guys who still religiously play rec sports (or just fantasy football) and are absolutely not going to give up having beers with the guys afterwards to hang out with you.

On the other hand, women will often break plans with their girlfriends in order to hang out with a guy. Whether you judge this or support your friends' desire to find love, women typically won't pass up hanging out with a dude to go drinking with the girls. However, women do lots of other self-destructive things after a few too many: drunk texting, unplanned hookups, less than intelligent responses to messages from guys... you know what we're talking about. It's not that you'd purposely act this way in front of your new beau--it's that you get sloshed and forget that he wouldn't find that behavior cute.

So, how can you still have fun without sabotaging your relationships? Our recommendations:

1) Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger famously counsels her clients to stick to a two drink maximum on dates. This is excellent advice. First (or second) dates are not the time to get tanked--unless the date is so bad that you want to forget it ever happened.

2) If you're in for a long drinking session, turn your cell phone over to your friends. The Ladies regularly repossess each others' cell phones when it looks like a bad decision is about to go down.

3) Don't invite a new guy out to a drunk fest with your friends, and don't chat with him while you're there. If you're doing Sunday Funday while he watches football with the guys, leave him alone until you're sober.

4) Regularly evaluate your priorities. The beauty of being single is having the freedom to do whatever you want with your time. However, if you book up every moment of your time with "fun" to make sure that you're never bored, when the right guy comes along, there won't be any space for him in your life.

5) Listen when a guy talks to you about his life. Does he get drunk every weekend with his friends? Does he down 8 beers on your first date? If you can't have a good time with a guy when you're both sober, he's not the one for you - period.

We get it. Drinking is fun. Being single is fun. But while you're single, don't get into such a pattern of having *fun* that once someone good comes along, you ruin it by being a sloppy mess.

5 Mistakes That Get You Ignored on Match.com

It may not surprise you to hear that all of the ladies have had multiple stints on match.com in our search to find Mr. Right. While Match is not personally my favorite online dating platform, here in Richmond it certainly is the most popular option for the professional set. So gentlemen, based on the many hours of our lives we've spent reviewing your profiles, here are our suggestions for how to get the attention of quality women:

1. NO SELFIES!!! Nothing says "I have no friends" like a profile pic you took of yourself in your bathroom mirror or from the driver's seat of your car. Seriously, unless you're about a 13 on a scale of 1 to 10, having a selfie profile pic is sure to get you passed over.

1.5 Please don't use photos of you and your car, you and some animal you once killed, or you in an obvious state of intoxication. No matter how proud you may have been of those moments at the time, the Ladies and I will screenshot you and mock you via group text.

2. If you don't have kids, don't have kids in your main profile picture. I'm gonna assume they're yours.

3. Muscles are wonderful things. I can still tell you have them if you're wearing a shirt in your photos.

4. Just say no to abbreviated user names. Having "The1_4U" next to your photo does not inspire my confidence that reading the rest of your profile is a good use of my time. I personally appreciate user names that reflect some aspect of your background or personality, i.e. "HikingJason" or "RamEngineer".

5. If you have a wife or girlfriend, GTFO Match. News flash, everyone can see how often you log in. Go be sketchy somewhere else. (We're talking to you, Dedic8edGentlemn)

My dos and don'ts for what to include inside your profile are worthy of a-whole-nother post. Guys, everything I've mentioned above is just what's visible on basic Match search results. Even when I'm not actively using Match to meet guys, I can log in with my user name and search through profiles for fun or to check out someone one of the Ladies just met. Please do all of us a favor and take down the shirtless bathroom selfies, bizarre user names, or profiles trolling for someone who doesn't realize you have a wife.

Did You Just Say That Out Loud?

I'm going to let you guys in on a Not-So-Secret: I'm a woman of color. Let's call that color Paloma Pink as it really doesn't matter for the purposes of the following story. So get comfortable and break out the snacks and wine because this story is a doozy.

I "met" the guy featured in this story on eHarmony. He lived out of town but seemed nice enough so I went through the website's question gauntlet. After making it through that process, we exchanged numbers and started texting. The first night of texting consisted of the usual "Where are you from" sort of pleasantries. The next day, we spoke briefly about the crappy weather we had just had. He then asked me what I found attractive in a guy. I said intelligence, wit and confidence were all attractive qualities. Then the conversation took an unexpected turn. 

Yeah. Just like that but not nearly as cool.

Paloma (P): Confidence is an attractive trait in a guy.
Guy (G): Well, I have that in spades.
P: LOL
G: I've never f*cked a [Paloma Pink] girl before.
P: {Stunned silence)

WTH?!?!

G: I've always wondered what it would be like. You know, how different it would be.
P: Are you being serious?
G: Yeah! I think it would be a great experience. I heard [Paloma Pink] girls are amazing and wild in bed.
P: [More stunned disbelieving silence]

Seriously. WTH?!?!

G: Did I offend you?
P: Yes  you did. Your comments were extremely offensive.
G: Lighten up. I meant it as a compliment.
P: I'm not an Other to be used to satisfy your fantasies or fetishes.
G: I know. Sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. Let's start over and pretend that didn't happen.
My response? Said no, stopped the convo and then walked out my bedroom like a boss (just seemed like the right thing to do at the time). It all looked kind of like this:

Yes, that conversation really happened. Yes, it was incredibly rude and offensive on multiple levels. I mean, come on. In what world is it ok to speak to someone like that? Nowhere but this guy's mind. There's no reason to put up with disrespect of any sort, even if dating pickings seem slim. If someone is being offensive or disrespectful, let them know and let them go.

Swagger Factor

We've all been there.

It's a lovely date at a reputable Richmond dining establishment. The food is delicious, the wine is flowing, and the ambient chatter in the dining room isn't too loud. You're staring across the table at your date. He's handsome enough, doesn't give off any weird vibes, hasn't mentioned a prison conviction/baby mamas/his social treatise on the inferiority of women. He went to a good school. He has a successful career. He's asking thoughtful, but not intrusive questions. His nail beds are clean, he's wearing a decent watch, and it looks like he ran a hot iron over that button up. (Bonus points if it came from Ledbury.)

You're being charming. Your laughter is appropriate and well-timed. You flip your hair enough to appear coquettish but not so much that you look like a spastic ditz. As he talks, you listen and observe. You're mentally checking off all of the qualities you look for in a partner.



He pays the check, walks you to your car. The two of you chat a bit and make plans to "do it again sometime." Maybe there's a hug in there somewhere or a shy peck on the cheek. On the drive home you have hundreds of text messages from gal pals asking how your date went. "It went fine" you reply. It really did. You're not lying. But why do you feel as if you are?? Why do you have this gnawing sensation that something just wasn't quite right??

You toss and turn for the rest of the night. You replay the ENTIRE date in your head the next day at work. You meet for drinks with your girlfriends to analyze and discuss. WTF is wrong?? Why are you not jazzed about seeing this seemingly perfect male specimen again? And then, one day while you're in the shower or sitting at a red light, it hits you.......EUREKA!
.....THERE WAS NO SWAGGER FACTOR!

Don't ask me for a Wikipedia-esque definition because I will be unable to provide one. Each girl's definition of the Swagger Factor is different. You ever seen a nerd pull a random hot chick (without the use of dollar bills)? It's because in her eyes he exudes Swagger. Maybe he said something that made her laugh. Maybe she was turned on by the elbow patches on his sweater. No matter. Because for each female, the main constant in the equation for Swagger Factor is her desire to bang him. There's something about nerd boy that biologically affects Barbie enough to want to bang him.

For those of you old enough to remember, I'm going to reference My So Called Life, a wonderful teen angst show that was cancelled prematurely and thus negatively affected an entire generation as a result. Angela (played by Claire Danes) had a 'thang' for Jordan Catalano (played by Jared Leto). He wasn't smart. It was the early 90's, so he dressed like a hobo. But in one scene, when asked why she was crushing so hard on Jordan Catalano, Angela's response was, "I don't know. He just leans great."

Just shut up and keep leaning.

Why do I remember that one line from 20 YEARS AGO (omg I'm that old?!)? I'll tell you why...because it's true. Jordan Catalano had Swagger Factor and all that dummy hobo had to do was lean nonchalantly on a locker. His standing presence made Angela wanna be a groundbreaker for MTV's "16 & Pregnant." There are certain men who have Universal Swagger Factor: David Beckham, George Clooney, and Channing Tatum to name a few.

So the next time you're sitting in a restaurant parking lot asking yourself why you're hesitant to confirm a second date with the clean-cut CEO who volunteers at an orphanage on weekends and makes Shrimp Fra Diavolo from scratch, relax. You're not crazy. You just can't find his Swagger Factor. Shhhh.... Shhhhh. Stop crying because it's okay.

Top 7 Secrets to a Successful Fun Buddy Relationship

In my last post I shared why I think a "Fun" Buddy can serve as an important buffer between you and bad dating decisions. While I'm a big proponent of FBs, these arrangements can be tricky. Here are my top 7 tips for successfully having a Fun Buddy.

1. Don't get attached to your FB. This is rule #1 for a reason. It's OK to genuinely care about your FB as a person, but the moment it feels like more than that, you need to walk away (at least for a while). The easiest way to avoid breaking this rule is to have a FB with some glaringly obvious dealbreaker; for Yummy Dummy and me, that was intellectual mismatch.

2. Don't try to make an ex a FB. Research shows that it's almost impossible to have casual hookups with any man with whom you once imagined marriage and babies. Let's stop pretending anyone ever handles this well.

3. Don't see your FB on the weekends. Save your Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights for dates or your girlfriends. Hello, that's when all the single men of the world are out and about. Which makes it exactly the wrong time to be holed up in bed with Mr. Wrong.

4. Be honest with your friends about your FB. There are a lot of reasons for this. a) Why lie to your friends about who you were just texting? b) Your friends are the best people to keep you from breaking rules 1 and 2. c) If, God forbid, you do break rules 1 or 2, you're going to need your friends. d) Involving yourself in any sort of secret situation with a man is no bueno. Discretion: good; secret affair with a creeper from the internet: bad.

5. Keep your FB separate from your regular life. Yummy Dummy and I live on opposite ends of town and run in completely different social circles. In a city the size of Richmond, that's a huge
bonus.

6. Connect with your FB on social media. It's easy to hide your Fun Buddy in the long list of your facebook friends or instagram followers. Knowing his life helps you to avoid hitting him up when he's out of town, dating someone, or anything else that would make doing so embarrassing. It's also very helpful for rule number 1 - the more often you're faced with whatever annoying, dealbreaking behaviors your FB has, the easier it will be to keep the situation casual.

7. Treat your FB with respect, and demand respect from them. Keeping someone's number in your phone solely for the purpose of drunkenly hitting them up at 1 am is rude and disrespectful. If you want to have an ongoing FB arrangement with someone, treat them like you would any other casual friend whose company you enjoy for one reason or another.

Workable Fun Buddy situations don't just pop up every day. However, if you can find the magic person who's hot but un-date-able and manage to be honest with yourself and everyone else about him, you've hit the jackpot. Enjoy having a sex life without having to date weirdos to get it!

My Worst Date Ever - We Have a Winner!

Congratulations to our twitter follower @simplyTricie for this submission to April's Worst Date Ever contest! All of the ladies agreed... none of us could top this one!

I have had the misfortune of having several horrible dates but the following one sticks out the most.

I was a junior in college and had just broken up with my high school sweetheart.  I wasn’t looking to date anyone, but my roommate dared me to set up a profile on Match.com. Not one to back down from a challenge, I did. A few guys sent me messages (this was way before they started charging to send emails) but one seemed to stand out from the rest.  We exchanged messages and eventually phone numbers.  We talked on the phone for a few weeks and he finally asked me out and suggested we meet up at the local ice cream parlor.

 



Thought this would be us....



 

Now, momma didn’t raise a fool, so I took many precautions.  Told my roommate where I was going and even gave her a time to call me, just in case I needed a reason to leave.  I also put a knife and a can of mace in my purse.

I arrived at the parlor and waited… and waited for about 15 minutes. I hate when people are late so I was irritated. As I got up to leave, he shows up (someone dropped him off) and apologized.  Two things stood out to me while talking to him. The abundance of red clothing and he barely opened his mouth when talking.  We sat down to talk. I declined on ordering anything because I had a feeling this date wouldn’t last long.

 

During our conversation, I mentioned all the red he was wearing and joked about him being in a gang. I was shocked when he replied that he was.  I was ready to run, but was afraid of what might happened if I did.  Trying to keep things light until the scheduled call from my roommate, I made a joke.  That’s when he laughed really hard and I saw the reason for the stiff mouth.

DUDE HAD NO TEETH!! None.  Zip. If he had some, they were doing a great job at playing hide and seek. 

At that moment, my roommate called and I was literally saved by the bell.  I used her call as an excuse to escape. Because he didn’t drive, he asked me could I drop him off at his house. I told him that I wouldn’t have time, apologized, and left. He called my phone for weeks until my roommate answered one day and told him I died coming to pick her up.

...it wasn't

 

When my friends bring up the date, we always joke that he suggested the ice cream parlor because he couldn’t eat solid foods.  We looked back at his profile and realized he always had a closed mouth smile. My friend also noticed in one of the pictures there was a Maltese in the background. Yep, a gangster with a girly dog (or maybe it belonged to a gangsta boo he didn’t tell me about).

So that is my worst date ever… a toothless gang banger that I am thankful didn’t carjack me that night!

 

A Restaurant Week Date Review

Last week was Restaurant Week in Richmond! It's a great opportunity to try out some new restaurants... and new guys. Pull up a seat, pour a glass of wine and get comfortable because it's about to get ugly!

Come on! All the cool kids are doing it. Well, Hoda and Kathy Lee are.

I'd been talking to this guy online for a while and we decided to meet for dinner. I mentioned that it was Restaurant Week and suggested that perhaps we could check out one of the restaurants. He chose a restaurant and we decided on a day and time. Great so far, right? Yeah, I thought so too. So when the day came to go on the date, I was looking forward to meeting him. Sure, he hadn't contacted me since we made the plans but he might have just been busy, right? Oh well. It was time to getting ready for the date and look dazzling!

I have on a cute dress and shoes. My hair and makeup were on point. I was ready! When I got to the restaurant, I didn't see anyone that looked like the pictures of the guy that I'd seen. I just saw a tall, unkempt guy looking bored outside of the restaurant. He was wearing dirty jeans and sneakers and an unironed, untucked shirt. I was a little taken aback because we were going to a nice restaurant but I let it go. He could be a nice guy who maybe just got off work or something. Nope. He'd been hanging out at home all day. He just didn't think that he had to dress "all fancy just to go to dinner." We're not off to a great start.

Kind of like this but without the Olympic medals to offset the scruffiness

The dinner conversation was more than a little tortured. The only time we both laughed was when I did a weird imitation of a ghost photobombing a picture posted on Pinterest. Seriously, they always look surprised. True fact. Back to the date. He didn't elaborate on any of his very short answers to my questions or really ask me anything about my life. I was ready to go after the first course. What really reinforced that desire was when he licked his knife!  He wasn't even being suggestive. He just wanted to get every bit of the sauce off of it. My polite Southern smile was failing me and it was time to go. He was kind enough to walk me to the front door but then he just said "Bye. Keep in touch" and walked away without waiting for a response. Ummmm. Ok.

There are a couple of lessons to be learned from this story:

1. Guys, we ladies put in time and effort into how we look for dates, especially first dates. Please do the same.  If you're going to a restaurant that has courses, you should probably have a collar. Just saying.
2. Even if you're not into the person, be considerate. Make the best of the situation. You might not have found your soul mate but you did get to try out a new restaurant. 
3. Don't lick your knife. Ever. 

Stay sassy and sexy!

And You Say (S)He's Just a Friend

"Oh baby you......
You got what I need
And you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend"

Sing it with me! Remember when Hip Hop songs told stories?

Anyhoo, in today's post I'm going to pose the question, "At what point is jealousy warranted?" Some people would argue never. If you trust your boo you should never feel threatened or jealous. Some people would argue you should suspect any and all behavior the minute numbers are exchanged, even if you guys aren't official.

I've had a few dates with a guy recently and things are going fine. Very casual and low key. No one's rushing down the altar up in here. Then I get word that Casey saw the fellow with another gal out and about. Now, Richmond is the size of a pea so this scenario isn't inconceivable. Was I upset that the guy was out and about with another female? Not really. Who am I to get all cray cray and jealous? We're not dating. He didn't put a ring on it. All's fair in love and war.

The issue for me was the fact that the day before the guy just professed his extreme interest and desire to see the relationship turn into something more. But within 24 hours there's all kinds of PDA in a popular Richmond restaurant. So, how sincere was he?

He recognized Casey and immediately sends me an unsolicited message to let me know he's just out with a friend. Then, there was over-explanation to questions I never asked. Is it because he feels he was caught and feels guilty? Is it that he thinks I may be the jealous type and he's trying to assuage my fears? In my book, the truth doesn't require over-explanation because it's quite simple. No added preservatives or Red Dye #3 needed.

Am I jealous about the date? Nope. Am I upset about the possible lack of sincerity? Yep. Daters should be honest at all times. If you feel the relationship has run its course, say so. If you feel that there will be no relationship after date #2, give a heads up. If you are interested in seeing someone more, let them know. If you are casually dating multiple people and would like to sift out the maggots, you may want to mention it. We're all adults. Dating in the new millennium is riskier than drinking bathtub moonshine. The only way we can mitigate the damage is by being honest.

If all parties are honest, hopefully the jealousy is diluted and you don't end up like this when you say (s)he's just a friend...

The Case For the Fun Buddy, Part 1

A recurring theme among our posts is the situation of knowing that a guy is no good, but continuing to go back to him anyway. You could say women are gluttons for punishment, but I'm going to throw out a different hypothesis: Sometimes we're just horny.

Think about it: How many people do you know, guys and girls, who start or stay in relationships that are clearly unhealthy because they enjoy the sex? It's an easy trap to fall into. However, I would also argue that it's an easy trap to avoid, if you're open to the idea of having a Fun Buddy (FB) (Stay with me - we're going PG here!)

I've spent a lot of my thirties as single as I could be. I've been on plenty of dates (which I'm here to tell you all about), but years went by without any of those situations evolving into a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. Personally, I'm not the kind of girl who sleeps with a guy after a couple of dates, so my lack of monogamy could've left me in a real bind in the gettin' busy department. Fortunately, along came Yummy Dummy (YD).

Yummy Dummy is hot. Sexy eyes, tall athlete's body, and a perfect Southern drawl. Unfortunately, a lot of "uns" come with YD. He's unreliable: Any plans made with YD should always be considered tentative, and please don't try to schedule with him more than 48 hours in advance. He's unambitious: At nearly 40 years old, YD still lives with a roommate, owns virtually no furniture of his own, and thinks his bedroom floor is where clothes should go when they come out of the dryer. Reina's post about boys vs. men basically described Yummy Dummy to a T. Seriously y'all, his bedroom was pretty close to this.

Despite his inadequacy in the long-term-mate category, YD and I had a lot of fun together. We both loved sports and often made bets on games involving our favorite teams. Physically, we were each others' "types", so the attraction and chemistry between us was fantastic. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessfully trying to have a real, adult dating relationship with YD, I realized that would require his actually being an adult. At that point he transitioned into a different place in my life - that of the Fun Buddy.

I hooked up with YD for years. Usually I would see him every 3-4 weeks. He respected that I didn't appreciate late night booty calls, so if he wanted to see me on a given week, he'd text me during the day to find out my schedule. We had an understanding that if either of us was dating someone, we didn't see each other. Our arrangement served as an interesting barometer whenever I met a new guy. If I saw potential with the new guy, I would take a break from YD right away. Conversely, I left some dates feeling so certain that I'd never see the guy again that I texted YD on my way home to see if he wanted some unexpected company. I also knew I was Done with several guys when staying away from YD for them no longer seemed necessary or worth it.

I can categorically say that during the time YD was my Fun Buddy, I never once dated a guy I shouldn't have out of loneliness. I had an absolute blast living life with The Ladies, and regular rendezvous with YD kept me from even considering hookups with random sketchballs. There's one other benefit to a friend with benefits: Just like in a romantic relationship, continued long-term contact with a FB helps you to grow and learn new things sexually. YD and I were able to communicate about what we wanted in a way that I couldn't with a random guy or even someone I'd only been dating for a few weeks. When I finally did meet guys who were worth dating, I wasn't ridden with anxiety about whether I'd know what to do between the sheets. All that being said, Fun Buddy relationships are tricky, and mine certainly wasn't perfect. I learned quite a few lessons about how to effectively manage having a FB. Stay tuned for my next post about Fun Buddy best practices!

Readers: Have you ever successfully had a long-term Fun Buddy?

Worst Date Ever: Were We on the Same Date??

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house....that's just weird).

So there's this guy I met online, as it goes.  His photos were okay - I mean you know I go for the tall, dark and handsome type.  This guy was not.  He was just okay - short, dirty blondish, and skinny (worked out 1-2x per week, according to his profile - LIE).  But one photo of him seemed silly and I laughed at it. And in my desperate attempt to find a mate, after a couple of emails, we decided to meet at Can Can (my fave!)

I get to the bar early.

I suck down a drink because I have a funny feeling I'll need it.  Then he walks in.  He is far from handsome.  He's about 5'7", has weird troll doll hair, super skinny, and seems drunk already (come to find out much later that he wasn't drunk. He just always acts drunk.  His personality isn't fun, easy going, or even serious, it's drunk.)

Him (what he pretty much looked like)!

Anyway, he is so nervous that he begins to nervous sweat - one of my biggest pet peeves. Then he proceeded to hunch over his beer and talk to it, instead of me.  I could feel his nervousness and despite your thinking that I'm a colossal beotch, I am not.  I turned toward him and tried desperately to engage him in conversation.  Twirled my hair, laughed at him (he wasn't funny AT ALL), turned my body toward him in an open way... Didn't work; still hunched.

Then, I kid you not, his aunt and her friend show up at the bar!!!  He had to awkwardly introduce me - and then he was 10x more awkward than when hunched over his beer.

Maybe he got drunk after his second draft cheapie beer.  I'm not sure why, but he began to open up to me about his special needs CAT that he rescued from a gutter and that slept with him in his bed.

I looked at my watch and said, "Um so I need to meet my roommate" (this was two glasses of wine in, about 1 hour from the time I walked in).  I can drink much, much more and of course I didn't have to meet anyone! He said ok, and walked me out.

As we walked out, all of a sudden an air of confidence washed over him.  Maybe it was the draft horse piddle he was drinking (classy, I know).  Maybe it was the fresh spring air.  All I know is that he started talking about the neighborhood and about his important friends and family that owned houses there, gave me a hug (jigga what?) and then proceeded to ASK ME OUT AGAIN.  I was like, "Well, give me a call and we'll see."

WHICH MEANT NO, NO, NO!!!!

- No to a nervous sweating guy.
- No to a guy that drinks cheap the cheapest (!) draft horse piddle beers at a classy establishment.
- No to a weird troll doll hair guy.
- No to hunchback of Notre Dame over horse pee beer guy.

I like a hot, muscular, confident, metrosexual.  Not this:

How did he think we were on the same date?  No, I'd never go out with him again.

And that was the end of that.  Until one of The Ladies told me a few months later that she met the same boy online…  More to come!!

Yawning is the New Black aka My Worst Date Ever

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. We will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever story and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway. (We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the Google street view of the person's house.... that's just weird.)

Call me an eternal optimist but I alway hope for the best and that goes double for online dating. So when I saw a unconventionally attractive (See? Told you that I am optimist) professional guy who actually had taken the time to completely fill out his online profile, I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, his profile was so boring that it took me 3 times to finish reading it but hey! Hope springs eternal.

We texted back and forth and finally agreed to meet at Starbucks. I put on one of my Date outfits, put a little extra curl in my hair and a little gloss on my lips. In my humble opinion, I looked fierce! I got to the Starbucks and looked around. Oh! Is he that cute, bookish guy in the back? Nope. Hmmm. Maybe he's the Lone Cafe au Lait-er in the corner? Yeah, not so much. I know what you're thinking and yes, I did see his pictures online but re-read the above "eternal optimist." I was (admittedly stupidly) hoping that he was more attractive than he seemed to be in his online pics. Then he walked in from out of the the rain..... and was exactly as unconventionally attractive as he appeared in his online pics.

No matter! While looks are important (let's be real, it is!), what matters more is that the guy has a witty, intelligent and engaging personality. Many of my friends have accused me of dating guys who resembled Muppets in the past but come on! Who doesn't love the Muppets?! No one, that's who! But I digress. So, I put on my best Southern Pollyanna smile and introduced myself. He introduced himself..... and that's as interesting as the date got.

He regaled me with tales of engineering, bridges and that one wild weekend when he and a couple of buddies played 24 rounds of golf in one day. 24 rounds! In one day! I soon regretted my decision of getting decaf coffee but I was raised right so I kept my smile on and kept asking questions in hopes that there was something interesting about this guy. I thought I had something when he said he had gone to England to attend a concert. I asked what he liked best about London (where the concert had taken place) and he said he didn't know because he didn't go sightseeing. He'd gone to see the concert and that was all he'd intended to do. He didn't even remember what groups were playing at the concert. Oh come on! If you're going to tell a boring story about how you managed to have the most boring time in one of the world's most fantastic cities, at least have the decency to remember which bands bored you so much.

After a more-than-respectable hour of such tales of crazy, wild shenanigans, I made my escape excuses and took my leave. The guy sweetly followed up the next day but I just wasn't interested and let him down easily. I'm sure he's a great fit for someone but just not me.

Now, I know this date doesn't fit the stereotypical "Worst Date" framework but for me, being bored is torture for me and boring people are my torturers. Why be boring when you can be fabulous? Everyone has the capacity to be fabulous, even if they don't think they do! So, stop being boring and live life to the fullest! Live the kind of life that requires editing of stories, not the embellishment of them. That life will be different for everyone but find yours and LIVE!

Stay sexy (and interesting), Ladies!

Worst Date Ever #3

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house....that's just weird).

In retrospect, I should've known something was amiss when Guy chased me out of BW3's to tell me I was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. I'm cute, but no Gisele or Halle.

But the guy was sweet and seemed sincere about me being on Jessica Alba status, so I gave him my number. After a few calls that week we had a date arranged for Saturday night. It started off so well. He remembered the fact that coffee courses through my veins in lieu of blood and had a cappuccino waiting for me. Awww...so far so good.

Disaster #1: Apparently in order to get the promised coffee, I had to pay a WTF toll. As in, my caffeine is being held hostage upstairs in Guy's apartment. And in said apartment is his family photo album where he proceeds to explain everyone in it. WTF.

Disaster #2: When I finally escape Album Alcatraz, I discover my car has been towed. I had asked Guy repeatedly if I could park in a certain spot at his apartment. He assured me it was fine and that visitors do it all the time. But by the time he finished the outline of his family tree, my car was gone. He said not to worry, and that we should just go to our dinner reservation and comedy show as scheduled and take care of it later. He said he would pay for it since he told me to park there. Against my better judgment, I agreed.

Our dinner reservation was at a Edo's Squid. The food was so delicious that I quickly forgot about my car being towed. There was wine, getting-to-know-you conversation, and then.....

Disaster #3: He told coworkers to meet us there to "check me out." WTH?! So the people staring at me from across the room weren't just adult kidnappers. Should I be flattered that he was so enthusiastic about our date that he invited his coworkers? Nah. I was weirded out. I think one of his female coworkers actually tried to take a picture of me.

Off to the comedy club, where our tickets were held at Will Call. He had actually planned this date. At the time, most of my dates usually started off with "So where do you wanna go?" This guy got an A for effort. Maybe too much effort. But the good Lord knew I needed a laugh at that point. The show was good and my beer was cold, so I decided to carpe diem and not fret about my automobile.

After the show, we stopped by the tow lot where they politely informed us that it was cash only to retrieve the car. Guy said "No problem", and we head to the nearest ATM gas station, where Guy proceeds to walk up to customers and recreate Wynona Ryder's scene from Reality Bites where she pays for gas and snacks with her dad's credit card.

Disaster #4: Sitting in the front seat of his car while he tells every gullible person in the West End about how this is our first date and he'd gotten my car towed. If this doesn't seem like a big deal, now imagine having to wave at everyone because he's making these strangers wave to you. He offered to pay for their gas with his parent's credit card if they give him the cash. I think one little old lady was so touched that she may have tipped him.

After this cash for credit scheme, we bust my car out of jail and I wanted to head home. But Guy says he's planned one more thing. Really?! I acquiesced, because honestly I felt bad about the hit his parent's credit card bill had just taken. He had the spot picked out with the best view of the city. There were white twinkling Christmas lights, the weather was still warm, and the Richmond skyline was gorgeous....

....and then DISASTER #5:....
he says,......"You may not hear from me for a few days because I may have to spend 5 days in jail for a DUI."

HA! Worst Date Ever, Hhmmmm.. ..

The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house...that's just weird).

So, grab your Pinot and let me tell you a pretty funny story and a very important lesson I learned in CONFIRMING. I've been pretty fortunate in going on decent to great dates due to pre-screening, cyber stalking and just good old word of mouth.  Perhaps this is the effect of one date I had back in college.. ..

It was my junior year and I had noticed this one very attractive Bobby Flay look-a-like for at least a year.  He was not in any of my classes, but I would see him in passing and knew he had a couple of classes with one of my friends.  One day I got the guts to ask her to send him a little message that I thought he was attractive and that I was very much interested in going out on a date with him.  She, being the good friend that she was, told Bobby Flay Jr. everything that I asked her to repeat, even giving him my number.  Bobby called me a couple of days later and we chatted, laughed and I just knew we'd have the cutest strawberry blonde kids around- most likely highly allergic to the sun, but cute nonetheless.  Well, we set up a date and he said he would come over and pick me up.  At the time, I lived with 3 other girls and they were pretty excited for me and decided to sit in the living room and greet him as he picked me up.  Right on time, there was a knock at the door and one of my roommates answered.  With a  nervous call, she beckoned me to the door for my date.  As I walked down the hall, I COULD NOT believe what I was looking at...  This dude looked like the love child of Carrot Top and Bozo, the clown.



I am not kidding you - he had to have seen my jaw drop and the look of shock on my face. My roommates looked at me, holding back their laughter and wished me a good night.  I nervously tried to recover and pretend that everything was ok.  We got into his car and drove to dinner- Damnit, I wasn't smart enough at the time to only set up drinks for the first date and had to sit through dinner and lots of drinks.  We went to a place he recommended and sat at a cute table by the window.  At the very least, I had the outside world as a distraction from what was facing me inside.  We drank, had awkward conversations, drank, ate, drank some more through more awkward conversations when he pointed to a place across the street. Oh YAY! Maybe he's a good story teller.  He then proceeds to tell me that that place was the apartment where his brother died.  WHAT?? Really?? Come on dude!  Is there nothing else in that brain of yours to talk about other than your brother's death on an already awkward first date?  He got through the details of the drug abuse, rehab visits, parents' grief and I graciously looked at my watch and commented that it was getting late on a school night.  When the bill came, I snatched it and paid.  If dates are bad (for some crazy reason) I feel inclined to pay and dash vs. having them feel like I used them for a free meal.  I really need to fix this about me, I know.  Anyway, Carrot Top drove me home, dropped me off and told me to call him later.  Yea, that wasn't and didn't happen.  I have no doubt in my mind that Carrot Top was a good catch or match for someone, but it sure as heck wasn't me. 

Sooo, if there's something you can learn from this- please, please, please confirm before you devote your night to the wrong dude.  Make damn sure that you have the right guy, that if there are two red heads in a similar setting, you've specifically described them to your matchmaker.  Confirm names, descriptions, clothing, gestures- whatever you need to do to make sure you don't waste a very valuable night with the wrong guy.  And not just wrong for you, but really, the wrong guy. 

CONFIRM, CONFIRM, CONFIRM!!