Top 5 Reasons that Being a Sexy, Sassy Single Lady is AWESOME

We've all been there. You've broken up with your boyfriend and all your attached friends are telling you how great it will be to be single and how they look forward to living vicariously through you. You can't help but to sigh, roll your eyes and gulp your Pinot Noir. You wonder if everyone loves being single so much why don't they give it a try or why isn't everyone single all the time. You may even end the evening thinking "I'm going to strangle the next person who tells me how great being single is."

Well, stop playing that Adele CD and put on your fanciest strangling gloves because I'm going to remind you how amazingly awesome being single can be. Believe me, I know what it's like to miss being in a relationship. To wish that you had that special someone to share your time with and talk to. Here's a tip: YOU are that person. It took me a while to really enjoy my Sexy Single Girl life but now I love it! So without further ado, my top 5 reasons that being single can be awesome.

1) Freedom

You can do whatever you want whenever you want! How awesome is that?! I'll never forget the first time I woke up post-breakup and realized that the day was totally mine to do what I want. I didn't have to go over to someone else's place or have someone at mine. I didn't have to check with my boyfriend to see what he wanted to do. I was the Boss, applesauce. 

So of course, I did what any reasonable sexily single lady would do, show the world (aka my empty apartment) my amazing talent.Which leads me to...

2) Solo Singoffs and Danceoffs
That's right! Step It Up has nothing on me! Beyonce? Please take all of the seats. Why? Because the real Queen is serving it up! When was the last time you broke it down Mary J style and busted a move like JLo when your man was around? I'm guessing never. I'm not talking "I'm being sexy in the club" dancing. I'm talking about dancing and singing like your rent is due and your So You Think You Can Dance AND The Voice auditions are tonight. That's a whole new level of bootyshaking and vocal warbling. Now is your time! No one is watching! Werk it, gurl!!!

3) Focus on Yourself, for Yourself
Ok. Bring up the lights. I'm going be serious for a moment. Every magazine breakup article talks about focusing on self-improvement. I admit that I used to roll my eyes and move on to the next article but not anymore. This is YOUR time. It's the perfect time to decide what goals you want to achieve and how you want to achieve those goals. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of those things. Figure out you don't like doing and do less of those things. Do it while you don't have the distraction of being in a relationship. It'll probably feel weird at first but then you suddenly notice that you're happier than you've ever been. The guy will come, but for now DO YOU.

4) Doritos and Wine Dinners 
Ok. Bring the lights back down. Because it's time to talk about food and drink, 2 of my favorite topics. When you're in a relationship, you probably want to eat well and like a grownup whether you're cooking yourself or you're dining out. You guys might goof off and have something delivered. Or go really crazy and have breakfast for dinner or appetizers for dinner. You crazy kids! (Insert shade here) Give it a rest. Being a grown single lady means you can eat whatever you want! Sometimes I get home from work more tired than a hooker on payday. On those days even cereal takes too much effort. On those days there's nothing better than a Doritos and wine dinner. I believe in having complete meals, so I have frozen Thin Mints for dessert. And that's ok because I don't have to think about what anyone else wants to eat. The only things I have to think about are Cool Ranch or Nacho and Malbec or Pinot Grigio. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

5) Pinteresting/Buying More Shoes/Buying More Bags Without Explanation
"Yes, I need another pair of shoes." "Yes, I need that bag to complete the outfit I'm thinking about getting." "Yes, I'm still on Pinterest." How many times have you said some variation of those statements. Being a Sexy Single Lady means never having to explain those things. One more thing. You don't have to share the remote! Want to watch March Madness? Hoop it up! Want to watch Scandal? Break out your wine goblet a la Olivia Pope! The point is that you can spend your free time however you want without apologizing or explaining it to anyone.

As you can see, the theme of this post is Freedom. Enjoy it! Embrace it! Test your limits and then surpass them! Now is your time to explore who you are and who you want to be. No matter what love yourself as much, if not more, than you've loved the guys you've been with. The One will come but for now DO YOU.

Stay Sassy, Ladies!

Lend Me Your Ears

As homo sapiens the trait that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom is our gift of language. Sure, other animals communicate through sounds, but their spectrum is quite limited: "DANGER!" or  "Let's Mate." We can communicate sadness through song, happiness through snorting laughter, love in sonnets, story telling through blogs (wink)...and sure"Let's Mate." Thanks to those overachievers at the Tower of Babel we have hundreds of languages and dialects to communicate instructions for survival and odes of love. Thanks to Jenna's post this week, she got me thinking about just how many interactions I've had in Richmond where dudes just don't listen. There's a lot of one-sided jibber jabber.

Fellas, there's a reason you should be scared when a woman becomes eerily quiet in a relationship. It's either:
A) She's really mad at you and thinking of her alibi to the police before she harms you.
B) She's really bored because it's obvious you could give a rat's ass about anything in her life.

The best way to a woman's heart: shoes LISTEN!


Listen to Mr. T. He's awesome.

Maybe you're nervous. Hey I totally get it, but that's why God created beer (Drink Responsibly). Maybe you're an only child and never learned to acknowledge the presence of others. Maybe you're overcompensating for your hum-drum life by trying to seem a lot more interesting than you are. Get a hobby, then we'll talk. Regardless, talking about yourself in an effort to impress a lady actually has the opposite effect. Like Jenna, I've been out with several guys who were eager to talk about themselves, their accomplishments, how many reps they did at the gym yesterday, etc. Although this may impress a girl in her twenties, a lady in her thirties or older is turned off.

Take a trip with me down memory lane...

Setting: local pub
Characters: Me and this guy that thinks he's charming the pants off me by talking about himself. He must've assumed he did a bang up job because he asked for my number.

"Sure," I say. And I rattle off some random numbers.
"Great!" he replies and proceeds to walk away grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Oh, excuse me!" I yell. He turns with a puzzled look. "Who are you going to ask for when you call?" "What do you mean? You, of course."
"Yeah, but who am I?" Blank stare. "You see you never asked my name."
"Oh! Right?! I was gonna get to that."
"No you weren't. You don't know who I am or what I do. I sure know a heck of a lot about you though. Nice to meet you. Bye."

Having a conversation, especially on a first date, is as much about getting to know the other person as it is about having them get to know you. Asking her questions about her hobbies, work, family, etc. shows that you are interested in her and not just her appearance. And guess what? You may not actually like her answers. That's great too. No time wasted. No love lost. Her hobby is kicking kittens? Pay the check and get outta Dodge. But spending the majority of a conversation talking about yourself brings you no closer to discovering if you like the kitten kicker and it also pushes her further away because she thinks you're a self-centered homo sapien.

How to Secure Yourself One and Only One Date.. ..

I'm sure every girl out there has a story about a date that within the first 20 minutes or so, you knew this would be your one and only date with Mr. So Not Right.  I recently went on a date with a guy and within 2 hours (25 minutes of it was spent waiting on him to show), I came up with a good, simple list of what guys do wrong on dates.. ..

(For the purpose of this post, I'll call this lovely fellow... John)

John and I met on one of those popular dating websites and hit it off.  Emails went back and forth, phone numbers were exchanged and texts were frequent.  In true gentleman fashion, John asked me out and at my request, chose a place near where I lived.  So the day finally came and I must admit, I was pretty excited to meet him.  His profile seemed to be thoughtfully put together, pictures carefully chosen.  He was a little older, which I hoped meant he was more mature and somewhat in the same place as I am with regards to wanting a relationship.. .. a serious, grown-up relationship.  Right before taking off for the bar, I shot John a text to let him know that I was on my way.  I try to practice punctuality on at the least the first date.  He texts right back and says, "he's on his way". 

- DON'T BE LATE!!

Ok, so far, so good.  I get to the bar, do a quick look around and told the hostess that I would take the two seats at the end of the bar.  5 minutes passed.. 10 minutes passed and the sweet hostess came back and asked if I needed anything.  I'm pretty sure she felt bad for me, thinking I had been stood up.  Worrying for a second that maybe I got the location mixed up, I sent John a text and let him know that I was there, seated at the bar.  He quickly responds, "Traffic.. will be there in a few". After 25 minutes, he finally showed up and came in rambling an apology. 

- LET THE GIRL TALK!!

Being that it was our first time meeting, I played off the tardiness and went straight into introducing myself. A few sentences in, he took the opportunity to jump in on one of my comments and began talking about himself.  One of his first comments to me was, "Hey, I just wanted to get this out sooner than later, I've been married 3 times." Ok, that's an interesting thing to toss out there before the beers have even been poured... but ok, can't hate full disclosure, right?! John was in his late 30's, so I tried not to be too judgey, but will admit that I began to wonder what was wrong with him. 

- KEEP SOME THINGS TO YOURSELF!!

With more chatting about himself, I quickly learned he was a mama's boy, had more shoes in his closet than I did (and I have a ton of shoes), had a female roommate 15 years younger than him (what every girl wants to hear) and .. ..

- DON'T MAKE OTHER PLANS!! (or if you do, then make sure it doesn't take over your date)

.. that he had until 8:30 because he made secondary plans with his buddies.  Now, in his defense, he did mention something about this in our initial texting about this night, BUT he obsessively checked every clock he could from the time he walked in until we walked out.  After the first hour of meeting him and listening to his bio, 8:30 sounded like a good exit time for me too. 

- DON'T MAKE THE GIRL DRIVE YOU TO YOUR CAR!! (this clearly is a specific action, but nonetheless, one that should not happen.)

When 8:30 finally rolled around, he graciously paid the tab, said he had a great time and would love to do this again. As we walked out, he then asked where I was parked, so I thought he was going to walk me to my car.  This was a sweet gesture.  Maybe there's hope after all.  Hey, I'm all about squeezing blood from a turnip, water out of a rock, or whatever the heck they say when someone is clearly too naïve for their own good and will search high and low for one thread of decency in any situation and/or person.  I told him, and he asked if I could drive him to his car since he had to park blocks away from the bar. With a deep breath and most likely a very confused look on my face, I said, "Sure" and walked him to my car.  I dropped him off and said a nice, seemingly genuine comment about having a good time and hoped he had a good rest of his night..

Needless to say, John secured himself one and only ONE date..

Leaving the Bags at the Door

In our last blog, Jenna talked about the downward spiral that comes from too much time alone with a bottle of wine, sad tunes, and the internet. She got me thinking about a similar and equally dangerous phenomenon: researching your current boyfriend's past.

Yes, I am the one who recommended checking out a guy before you go out with him. The Ladies know that if they want the dirt on someone, I can find it. I know where to look up someone's criminal history, how much they paid for their house, and in some cases, how much they make. Yes folks, there's a lot of info about all of us on the internet.

Although I know how to accumulate a PI-worthy dossier about someone, I strongly recommend against doing this when you're dating someone. Sure, do a simple google search to make sure the guy won't throw you in the back of an unmarked van at the end of your date. But once you decide that you're actually into the person you're seeing, leave it alone.You really don't need to know what he was instagramming 18 months ago. If you become his facebook friend, I beg you, do not go searching through his friends to figure out which ones are his exes.  Do you really want to picture that woman's face every time he mentions her from now on? Do you really want to obsess over her perfect skin/teeth/figure/whatever and wonder if your ex still thinks about her? The answer is a big fat NO.

One of the pitfalls of dating in our 30s is the unfortunate fact that everyone has baggage. Let's be honest - if someone doesn't have relationship baggage by their 30s, then they probably haven't dated much and might bring some immaturity/inexperience issues to the table. Guys in their 20s might still ask me what my "lady number" is, but guys in their 30s know better. Most people who are still single in their 30s (or divorced) are inevitably going to have racked up more partners than we expected when we were 17. Even as someone who falls squarely in that category, it still sucks to think about all the other women who have been in a man's life before I got there. My green-eyed monster is real, y'all.

When I met my current beau, I had to face this issue immediately, because one of The Ladies had previously dated him (which I didn't realize until after we'd scheduled our first date). In fact, many of The Ladies have dated the same men in 3-Degrees-of-Separation-RVA over the last several years, but that's another day and another blog post. After clearing with said Lady that proceeding with the date was OK, I had to decide not to think about whatever happened between her and this guy in the past. That hasn't proved too difficult, perhaps because I already know that this Lady is classy and stylish and fun - and no longer interested. For me, it's harder to know that there are Serious Girlfriends of Yesteryear in my man's past who were also attractive, accomplished women. In this situation, I'm making a different choice than I did in the past. Every time those curiosities about previous relationships enter my mind, every time the doubts and anxieties creep in, I just choose to think about something else. Neither he nor I can change the past, and truth be told, I wouldn't want to change mine if I could. So I'm following the words of the not-at-all-wise Chris Brown:

I don't wanna go there... we should never go there...

Emotional Cutting... Lock up all of your CDs, laptops, iPads, phones!!!

Okay, what girl hasn’t put together a sad breakup song playlist and listened to it while sitting on the kitchen floor, with a bottle of wine in tow… (skipping the glass altogether)?  Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that nothing makes me feel lower than subjecting myself to hours of Jar of Hearts on repeat on a lonely Friday night as I stain my lips purple w/ red wine.  Jar of Hearts will eventually turn to cyber stalking.. WHY?!  Because nothing breaks your heart over and over like subjecting yourself to pictures of your ex, your past life, his new girl, maybe even the dreaded Wedding Website… even going through the registry to see if you can at least find something wrong about this girl, like... “Really?  She picked out that plate pattern?!  UGH.” Come on, at that weak moment, I’d take anything to distract me from reading “how they met” or “their proposal story” over and over… Of course with Jar of Hearts playing in the background. 

Why in the world do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we feel it’s necessary to bawl for hours, leading to pathetic texting, awful drunk dials, more texting to apologize for the first 10 texts that most likely went from missing them to accusing them of being selfish dirt-bag pricks.  I guess the one good thing about texting is that at least there’s a record of what was said on our end and what wasn’t said on theirs, which quickly turns into a bad thing hours later or the next day when you realize just how pathetic it seems. 

I try to make sense of my emotional cutting behavior by saying that I just need to get it out of my system and would like to believe that if there is an allotted amount of time spent mourning or tears we should cry after a heartbreak, getting them out in one long marathon will help the healing, right?!  Even though I don’t think this is what a trained professional would advise one to do, as an untrained professional and one who experiences things first hand vs. via a text book, I do think it’s better to acknowledge heartbreak and your feelings and not sweep them under the kitchen rug and expect them to simply go away with time. So, the moral of this topic is, go ahead - get your playlist together and sit on that kitchen floor, but once you pull yourself up, right before you sit yourself in front of your computer, JUST GO TO BED.  You’ll feel much better about things in the morning for not selling yourself short w/ texts, calls and facebook stalking. 

 

Every “Kitchen Floor Drinking" playlist should include:  

-       JAR OF HEARTS (for guaranteed crying)

-       Come Over -- Kenny Chesney

-       Goodbye in Her Eyes -- Zac Brown

-       The Last Song I’ll Write for You -- David Cook

-       Tomorrow -- Chris Young

-       Over When It’s Over – Eric Church

-       Wrecking Ball -- Miley Cyrus

-       ** Say Something – A Great Big World (my new favorite song to put on repeat and sing through my tears )

-       Glitter in the Air – Pink

-       A Little Bit Stronger - Sarah Evans

Feel free to suggest a few of your faves!!  I’m always interested in revamping my list. 

Familiarity Breeds... Confusion

Reality TV is garbage. It's killing more American brain cells than meth.* Mix the promise of instant fame with lying and backstabbing, a dose of aggression, and a lot of fake eyelashes and you have a hit show. (Remind me to invest in companies that make false eyelashes.) While the drama soup makes for good entertainment, the cast of one of the newest reality shows to hit the airwaves is keeping it classy classier by sharing their daily struggles to improve their lives. The cast mates share many commonalities, but the one that sticks out to me the most is repeatedly returning to that no-good ex in the hopes that her life will end in a fairytale. These women are young, pretty, and trying to make better lives for themselves. Unfortunately, positive progress is thwarted by the Return of the Ex. No matter the name, age, or profession of The Ex, he thinks showing up with flowers or sending an unsolicited "Hey, just thinking about you" message is going to atone for his past transgressions. And you know what? He's usually right.

I myself have fallen victim. Just once. And hear me when I say it was BAD. Bad doesn't even describe it. We're talking secret life bad. Lifetime Movie of the Week bad. The Memoir will be part of Oprah's Book Club bad. The Memoir will be assigned as mandatory reading as a cautionary tale for young girls in the public school system bad. There was a reason I never gave an ex a second chance and I found out, rather recently, why I had that rule in the first place. Remain friends? Sure. Set you up with a gal pal acquaintance of mine? Ok, buddy. But go down the Dating Driveway again? No sir!

...but I did. I was promised the world. He apologized, groveled, made speeches, gave gifts to reclaimed what he lost. Yup and I believe there were flowers in there too. The fallout from the second go round was immensely worse than the first. Heck, after the first break up we were still friends. After the second, I'm pretty sure cops will be called should we ever meet again.

Before you close your browser window because you believe this is an embittered tale, let me get to the lesson: You and The Ex are both lazy. Yep, you read that right. The Ex knows that he doesn't have to put in the work with a new girl because showing up with flowers will do. Sure he may have to listen to you chew him out for a few hours, but in the grand scheme of things that's a small price to pay for getting his comfy ex back. He's probably tuning out your soliloquy anyway. The charm that lured you in the first time will allow him to cross the moat. The familiarity he knows you have about the relationship will allow him into the city gates.

You, dear reader, are lazy. (As was I. As are the reality show gals.) It is much easier to start from Square 3 with an Ex than Square 1 with a new guy. You already know his favorite food, the way to his house, and his friends. And you're thinking "Bonus: The Ex doesn't count towards your 'Man Total'." You don't have to learn new personality traits or idiosyncrasies.  All you have to do is hope that the changes he promised to make with his flaws will come to fruition: he really will start paying attention to you more, he will respect your opinion and intelligence this time, and he'll never glance at another female again.

It doesn't work out that way. I watched the ladies of this new show shed many tears over the disappointment of The Ex. The flowers wilt along with the ambitious promises of change. The only thing The Ex manages to accomplish in any of their lives is to inhibit their progress and distract them from their goals. The light that shone ahead illuminating the path to a better future has been eclipsed by the gray emotional turmoil of a Ghost of Christmas Past. Time is wasted. Confidence is diminished. Any advances made by the strong, young female have been temporarily derailed by The Ex who was too lazy to actually change. I may not have added any IQ points watching this particular reality show, but it did serve as a wonderful reminder of why I will never allow familiarity with an Ex to cause unbridled confusion in my fantastic life ever again.

Leave The Ex. Take the flowers.

*No scientific studies have been done to back this up but I'm still confident it's true.

On Festivals and Friends

It's March, which brings the moment we've all been waiting for-the start of festival season in RVA! What March is complete without breaking out your green shirts for Shamrock the Block or the Irish Festival? An added bonus is the excitement of March Madness at every sports bar here in VCUland.
(Life tip for the ladies: If you meet a guy from UVA, he'll be really impressed if you know that his team is playing really good basketball this year).

Festivals can make pretty good dates. Usually admission is either free or really cheap, and there's good food, tasty beverages, and live music. To me, festivals also serve as a great opportunity to casually introduce a guy to your friends and/or to meet his friends. There's really no pressure to behave a certain way at any given festival. Drink beer or don't. Eat food or don't. Sit somewhere and people watch, or wander around and look at the various merchants who have set up shop. Actively listen to the band, or don't. The carefree setting removes a lot of pressure and expectations from a typical meet-and-greet type of situation.

A couple of years ago, I dated a guy for several months who had a lot of great qualities. We'll call him Will. I was hoping things would progress with Will, but every time I tried to invite him to go somewhere with me and my friends, he refused. Because he was looking for a new job at the time, I hoped that his refusal was related to a desire to save money. Then, one absolutely beautiful Sunday afternoon, I was going to a (free) festival with my friends. I texted Will to see if he wanted to meet up with us, and he told me he was already going with his friends. (Strike 1: Where's my invite, dude?) So we left things at "OK, I'll see you down there."

I got to the festival with several of my girlfriends and tried to text Will to see if he was there. I never got a response to my text, which was Strike 2. I should add that I had already met and hung out with the friends Will was with, which was all the more reason that his avoiding me made no sense.

After a while, my group of friends literally, physically ran into Will and his friends. This was the first time Will had had contact with any of the friends I constantly talked to him about. I was hoping he would jump on the opportunity to get to know people who were important to me, but instead, he barely said hello and then wandered away to get another beer. No attempt to chat with my girls, no mingling of the groups who were doing the exact same thing, nothing. His disinterest was so blatant that I had to (embarrassingly) explain to my friends that they had just seen the guy I'd been dating for months. As you might imagine, that was Strike 3, and I was not available the next several times Will tried to ask me out. As the Spice Girls said,

Whether you choose to enjoy Richmond's festival season with your friends, your love interest, or a combination of the two, it's a great opportunity to have a fabulous time in our beautiful city. Here's to hoping that your beaus handle social introductions better than Will did!

The Best Game: Sincerity

One of my best friends is a guy. A very attractive, educated, fun guy who has all kinds of trouble in the relationship department. We often get into debates about the best way to handle relationships with the opposite sex. Through these conversations, I learned that my friend routinely waits about 2 days to contact a woman after he's gotten her phone number. Oh my gosh guys, do not do this!!!

The 48 hour rule expired when our generation stop using land line phones. These days, everyone has a smart phone, and let's be honest, we all spend entirely too much time staring at those screens. So guys, if I'm out grabbing cocktails with The Ladies and you want to get my digits, do this:

1.Ask me for my number. Put in your phone immediately. Bonus points if you call or text me right away to make sure you have the correct number and to give me yours in return. If you actually intend to contact me, it's reassuring to know that you have the right number to do so.

(Note: Whenever a guy asks me for my number, I always say, "My name's Casey in case you forgot", because, well, I forget names like it's my job.)

2. Once you leave the establishment where we met, text me later that night. If we part ways at 10 p.m., do NOT text me at 1:30 a.m. to see if I want to come over. I don't. Shoot me a message at 11 that says "I really enjoyed meeting you tonight. Let me know when you're free to get together." If we happen to both be leaving a bar as it's closing down, send this text about half an hour after we leave.

3. If you feel odd texting a woman the same night you meet her (or you end up in a situation where you meet multiple women in one night), a good morning message the following morning is the next best thing. The point here is to reinforce to the woman that you're excited to have met her, are thinking about her, and want to see her again sometime soon.

Another commonly played game is for people to part ways from a date without knowing when/if they'll see each other again. Guys, if you genuinely like a girl and know you want to see her again, grab your cajones and set your next date while you're still on your current one. If she hesitates about scheduling, she's probably not that into you, and it's better to find that out sooner rather than later. If she does make a plan for next time, you both get to leave the date feeling reassured that the interest is mutual. Guys, let me tell you a secret: A man who has already scheduled another date with me is a lot more likely to get some alone time after this one.

Most people in the dating scene try to come off as nonchalant or not desperate to members of the opposite sex. This often leads to ambiguous situations where neither party is sure if the other person likes them. Guys -and girls- I beg you to stop with the games. They're killing modern romance. If you like someone, tell them. Make it obvious. If they like you back, you're golden; if they don't, you've wasted as little time on them as possible. For all of you who are so concerned about having "game", try this one: Sincerity.

Chivalry Faux Pas

Classic movies can teach us something. Not only do we learn how to break out into a tap dancing solo mid monologue, but also how dudes used to be chivalrous. There were rules back then! And even though there was no internet or cell phones, everyone seemed to know, and abide by, those dating rules. Guy calls on Girl. Guy brings flowers. Guy offers coat to Girl in chilly night air. Guy walks on outside of sidewalk when strolling with Girl.(<-Yeah, this is a real thing, guys. If a horse and buggy goes rogue and jumps the curb you are supposed to be there to take the hit first. Hey, I didn't make the rules.)

Now we live in an era with very few rules. The ones in existence are in constant danger of extinction. Just watch "He's Just Not That Into You." Drew Barrymore's rant about MySpace and answering machines is hilarious because it's so outdated already. Basically, no one knows what the heck is going on. Therefore, even I can be a bit lenient with dating regulations. You text instead of call for a date. Fine. I hate the phone anyway. You want to grab a drink instead of a traditional meal. Okey dokes. But there are several dating commandments that I personally hold dear and feel should never be broken.

Seriously? Wait until I become CEO of Yahoo!

My personal pet peeves are:
1. Not opening the car door at the beginning of the first date.
I'm not one of those chicks that needs you to open every portal I pass through. If I reach the door of the restaurant first I'm not going to sit there and wait for you to open it like I'm the Queen of England (drats, my cover's blown). However, if it's the first date and you're sitting in your running car like we've just robbed a bank there's a problem. Hitting the "unlock" button is a bad first impression. Even more awkward: the lean across to pop the lock manually. I don't mind the manual locks but I do mind your laziness. Come open my door so I know that you have some decency. Afterwards, I will be more than happy to show you how self-sufficient I am by opening my own doors on future dates....should there be any. But hey, that's up to you.

I once went out with a guy who had a HUGE truck. Like I felt like I was going to participate in the Monster Truck Rally. My attempt to get in this contraption was pure comedy. Let's just say I've mounted horses with more ease and grace. What was the guy doing while I clawed at handles with one hand and tried to pin down my skirt with the other? Staring. Waiting. Didn't offer a boost. Heck, he didn't even try to pull my body in like a firefighter dragging me from a burning building. Nope, he just sat there. Motor running.

2. Not waiting to see if I make it inside my house ok.
Now we are at the conclusion of the date. Let's assume you made a good first impression with the whole door thing. One way to get an instant deletion from me is to take off as soon as I shut the car door. WTH?! Do you really rob banks?! You don't have to walk me to the door or carry my leftovers for me, but after we've said our goodbyes, could you at least make sure I wasn't attacked by a mountain lion before I entered the house? Wait until I stick the key in the lock before you peel off. I will give you my best Miss America (dang, I blew my cover again!) wave to bid you goodnight and signal that all's clear.

One of my dates concluded with this exact scenario. Dinner and conversation was perfectly fine until the drop-off gone wrong. I barely shut the car door before he zoomed away. When he texted me hours later that he had a good time I responded with a funny casual mention of how he must've had a really important appointment at 10 p.m because of his hurried exit. Needless to say, he didn't understand why it was rude and I couldn't keep trying to explain it. At the end of the day, my point was simple: even if you don't understand it, know that it's important to me.

Polar Vortex Honorable Mention: Not cleaning snow off your lady's car if you are available. Guys, if you were lucky enough to have a slumber party on any of the nights that the River City's been hit with North Pole elf dust then you should clean off your girl's car. And if she has to drive the mean icy streets, make sure she got to and from her destination ok.

Readers: Leave a comment to tell us what chivalry faux pas grinds your gears.