The Case For the Fun Buddy, Part 1

A recurring theme among our posts is the situation of knowing that a guy is no good, but continuing to go back to him anyway. You could say women are gluttons for punishment, but I'm going to throw out a different hypothesis: Sometimes we're just horny.

Think about it: How many people do you know, guys and girls, who start or stay in relationships that are clearly unhealthy because they enjoy the sex? It's an easy trap to fall into. However, I would also argue that it's an easy trap to avoid, if you're open to the idea of having a Fun Buddy (FB) (Stay with me - we're going PG here!)

I've spent a lot of my thirties as single as I could be. I've been on plenty of dates (which I'm here to tell you all about), but years went by without any of those situations evolving into a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. Personally, I'm not the kind of girl who sleeps with a guy after a couple of dates, so my lack of monogamy could've left me in a real bind in the gettin' busy department. Fortunately, along came Yummy Dummy (YD).

Yummy Dummy is hot. Sexy eyes, tall athlete's body, and a perfect Southern drawl. Unfortunately, a lot of "uns" come with YD. He's unreliable: Any plans made with YD should always be considered tentative, and please don't try to schedule with him more than 48 hours in advance. He's unambitious: At nearly 40 years old, YD still lives with a roommate, owns virtually no furniture of his own, and thinks his bedroom floor is where clothes should go when they come out of the dryer. Reina's post about boys vs. men basically described Yummy Dummy to a T. Seriously y'all, his bedroom was pretty close to this.

Despite his inadequacy in the long-term-mate category, YD and I had a lot of fun together. We both loved sports and often made bets on games involving our favorite teams. Physically, we were each others' "types", so the attraction and chemistry between us was fantastic. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessfully trying to have a real, adult dating relationship with YD, I realized that would require his actually being an adult. At that point he transitioned into a different place in my life - that of the Fun Buddy.

I hooked up with YD for years. Usually I would see him every 3-4 weeks. He respected that I didn't appreciate late night booty calls, so if he wanted to see me on a given week, he'd text me during the day to find out my schedule. We had an understanding that if either of us was dating someone, we didn't see each other. Our arrangement served as an interesting barometer whenever I met a new guy. If I saw potential with the new guy, I would take a break from YD right away. Conversely, I left some dates feeling so certain that I'd never see the guy again that I texted YD on my way home to see if he wanted some unexpected company. I also knew I was Done with several guys when staying away from YD for them no longer seemed necessary or worth it.

I can categorically say that during the time YD was my Fun Buddy, I never once dated a guy I shouldn't have out of loneliness. I had an absolute blast living life with The Ladies, and regular rendezvous with YD kept me from even considering hookups with random sketchballs. There's one other benefit to a friend with benefits: Just like in a romantic relationship, continued long-term contact with a FB helps you to grow and learn new things sexually. YD and I were able to communicate about what we wanted in a way that I couldn't with a random guy or even someone I'd only been dating for a few weeks. When I finally did meet guys who were worth dating, I wasn't ridden with anxiety about whether I'd know what to do between the sheets. All that being said, Fun Buddy relationships are tricky, and mine certainly wasn't perfect. I learned quite a few lessons about how to effectively manage having a FB. Stay tuned for my next post about Fun Buddy best practices!

Readers: Have you ever successfully had a long-term Fun Buddy?