The Ladies are excited to announce our Worst Date Ever Series. Over the next 2 weeks we will be posting our dating horrors for your enjoyment. We know our lovely Readers have some dating doozies to share. Leave a comment on any Worst Date Ever post in the next 2 weeks and the Reader with the best Worst Date Ever story will win a freebie giveaway! ***We will not accept profanity, real names or private details (like the google street view of the person’s house....that's just weird).
So there's this guy I met online, as it goes. His photos were okay - I mean you know I go for the tall, dark and handsome type. This guy was not. He was just okay - short, dirty blondish, and skinny (worked out 1-2x per week, according to his profile - LIE). But one photo of him seemed silly and I laughed at it. And in my desperate attempt to find a mate, after a couple of emails, we decided to meet at Can Can (my fave!)
I get to the bar early.
I suck down a drink because I have a funny feeling I'll need it. Then he walks in. He is far from handsome. He's about 5'7", has weird troll doll hair, super skinny, and seems drunk already (come to find out much later that he wasn't drunk. He just always acts drunk. His personality isn't fun, easy going, or even serious, it's drunk.)
Him (what he pretty much looked like)!
Anyway, he is so nervous that he begins to nervous sweat - one of my biggest pet peeves. Then he proceeded to hunch over his beer and talk to it, instead of me. I could feel his nervousness and despite your thinking that I'm a colossal beotch, I am not. I turned toward him and tried desperately to engage him in conversation. Twirled my hair, laughed at him (he wasn't funny AT ALL), turned my body toward him in an open way... Didn't work; still hunched.
Then, I kid you not, his aunt and her friend show up at the bar!!! He had to awkwardly introduce me - and then he was 10x more awkward than when hunched over his beer.
Maybe he got drunk after his second draft cheapie beer. I'm not sure why, but he began to open up to me about his special needs CAT that he rescued from a gutter and that slept with him in his bed.
I looked at my watch and said, "Um so I need to meet my roommate" (this was two glasses of wine in, about 1 hour from the time I walked in). I can drink much, much more and of course I didn't have to meet anyone! He said ok, and walked me out.
As we walked out, all of a sudden an air of confidence washed over him. Maybe it was the draft horse piddle he was drinking (classy, I know). Maybe it was the fresh spring air. All I know is that he started talking about the neighborhood and about his important friends and family that owned houses there, gave me a hug (jigga what?) and then proceeded to ASK ME OUT AGAIN. I was like, "Well, give me a call and we'll see."
WHICH MEANT NO, NO, NO!!!!
- No to a nervous sweating guy.
- No to a guy that drinks
- No to a weird troll doll hair guy.
- No to hunchback of Notre Dame over horse pee beer guy.
I like a hot, muscular, confident, metrosexual. Not this:
How did he think we were on the same date? No, I'd never go out with him again.
And that was the end of that. Until one of The Ladies told me a few months later that she met the same boy online… More to come!!
ReplyDeleteI have had the misfortune of having several horrible dates but the following one sticks out the most.
I was a junior in college and had just broken up with my high school sweet heart. I wasn’t looking to date anyone, but my roommate dared me to set up a profile onMatch.com. Not one to back down from a challenge, I did. A few guys sent me messages (this was way before they started charging to send emails) but one seemed to stand out from the rest. We exchanged messages and eventually phone numbers. We talked on the phone for a few weeks and he finally asked me out and suggested we meet up at the local ice cream parlor.
Now, momma didn’t raise a fool, so I took many precautions. Told my roommate where I was going and even gave her a time to call me, just in case I needed a reason to leave. I also put a knife and a can of mace in my purse.
I arrived at the parlor and waited… and waited for about 15 minutes. I hate when people are late so I was irritated. As I got up to leave, he shows up (someone dropped him off) and apologized. Two things stood out to me while talking to him. The abundance of red clothing and he barely opened his mouth when talking. We sat down to talk. I declined on ordering anything because I had a feeling this date wouldn’t last long.
During our conversation, I mentioned all the red he was wearing and joked about him being in a gang. I was shocked when he replied that he was. I was ready to run, but was afraid of what might happened if I did. Trying to keep things light until the scheduled call from my roommate, I made a joke. That’s when he laughed really hard and I saw the reason for the stiff mouth.
DUDE HAD NO TEETH!! None. Zip. If he had some, they were doing a great job at playing hide and seek.
At that moment, my roommate called and I was literally saved by the bell. I used her call as an excuse to escape. Because he didn’t drive, he asked me could I drop him off at his house. I told him that I wouldn’t have time, apologized, and left. He called my phone for weeks until my roommate answered one day and told him I died coming to pick her up.
When my friends bring up the date, we always joke that he suggested the ice cream parlor because he couldn’t eat solid foods. We looked back at his profile and realized he always had a closed mouth smile. My friend also noticed in one of the pictures there was a Maltese in the background. Yep, a gangster with a girly dog (or maybe it belonged to a gangsta boo he didn’t tell me about).
So that is my worst date ever… a toothless gang banger that I am thankful didn’t carjack me that night.
Hahaha! One of my worst dates ever was kind of the opposite. When I was in grad school, a hot sophomore guy asked me out. He came to pick me up from my starving student apartment in a practically new BMW that Mommy and Daddy had bought him. As he drove me to the movies, he asked me what I was studying in school. When I told him I was getting my masters in marriage counseling, his response was, "That doesn't pay much, does it?" He basically snobbed me out for the rest of our date. Thank goodness we went to a movie and didn't have to talk much after the first 15 minutes.
ReplyDeleteTo the commenter above-I'm glad you had that knife in your purse!